Hope gives a glimmer of what could be,
to the infinite place in myself.
The mortal in me tries to achieve this place of divinity
and is thwarted with comfort and limitation.
Thus thwarted, only hopelessness remains, as a constant friend in times of nocturnal search.
From hopelessness,
hope must be offered again,
for hopelessness has no place to go,
only hope remains
The circle of hope and hopelessness leads me on a safari.
The thrill of the chase excites my being into feeling alive.
The kill leaves an empty void in the center of my heart,
giving full reign to despair.
Man and beast come face to face in the outpouring turbulence of a game gone awry.
In the ensuing chaos of thought
the mortal within me can only give birth to… trust
in the ever living spirit of my being.
The spirit is not allowed it’s true expression
it fights for freedom from the oppression of the journey… and yet
in this oppression
I must seek and find trust to keep hope and hopelessness at bay.
My spirit gives forth a piercing sound
and man and beast walk their separate ways.
Trust in this spirit has led me to believe… in it’s power
and manifestation of it’s divine nature.
In the belief of my divine nature
illumination takes place
showing the trail of crooked desires
that have led me to the sacred mountain.
I shed my skin in an act of transmutation
and serpentine a trail up the mountains rim.
This new belief fuels my desire to reach the top.
I grow tired in my journey
and seek solace in the cave
upon the mountains East slope
here I await my inspiration
ask for assistance
and pray.
When I awaken from my meditative state,
my faith has been born.
A place deep within me tells me to carry on,
that I can reach the top of the sacred mountain.
This place reaches out and tells me of my journeys upon the sacred mountain in the past.
I enter the light of the brilliant sun
and leave the cave to continue my journey
with faith as my guide and companion.
In an instant
I place my foot upon a stone
where I have stepped before
and my knowing is born.
The stone speaks to me of my previous journeys
and how I accomplished my goal
and my heart hears this truth.
My spirit becomes me,
and integration becomes the trail that continues upon the mountain’s rim.
With every step forward
three more are remembered
and stepped over.
I know that I am the sacred mountain
and the top I have desired to reach has been with me always.
So comes my journey
into unknown territories
that are known completely
and veiled by the illusion of
hope and hopelessness.
Engtovo ~ February 28 1997
Tatiacha Bhodsvatan 