The Heart Yearns & The Mind Follows

Candle burns quickly

Betraying the shifting of time

It is done but unseen in this moment

It is bigger than expected

So big I feel pulled to it

When it was to be pulled to me

I give up pieces of myself willingly

They are no longer needed

But the discomfort of them leaving

Envelops this moment

It’s a journey planned but unknown

Its outline rough

The details shifting with each passing day

Mind desires to pin it down

Spirit knows better than to try

I reach my hand out to touch it

It is fuzzy and soft

Warm and comforting

But the other side is shielded

It is that side that will have to be tolerated

It is not the whole

Not even half

But it comes with the deal

It is the small print

The unspoken

It won’t last long

But each moment of it filled with demands

It cannot be avoided

It cannot be embraced

It is just what is

Human nature will make its so

I walk alone into this undefined plan

Knowing others will join me there

But I can’t help but hesitate

Wonder

Dream

Of a circle of hands

Walking in together

It’s foolish thinking

Wanting something that is asking too much

But the heart yearns

And the mind follows

 

Engtovo ~ August 31, 2008

My Fear

Shiver hits

Races up the spine

Familiar energy

A gift of acknowledgment

Though it is felt

Mood remains unchanged

Melancholy

Searching

Questioning everything

Tears well and recede

There is no subject matter

Just release

Attempted understanding

Neither head nor heart

Offer up information

There is a void

A heaviness

A slow aching pull

To unknown places

Something is being birthed

It labors in my chest

It’s insatiable

Uncomfortable

Confined

Cut the strings

Set it forth

Something good must come of this

A final push of emotion

I feel it

It is uncertain

Wild

Uncontrollable

What am I supposed to do with this

Run toward it

Run away

Be still

I fear no good can come of this

My fear

I know it better than I know myself

It wrote my history

How much longer must it write the future

 

Engtovo ~ August 31, 2008

Peace Is Still Not Found

Needy

Grasping

Pushing pulling

Confusion of familiarity

Aching

Turning

Sending receiving

Puzzle pieces missing

Heart calls out

No answers looming

Clock keeps ticking

Why can’t it be clear

Control fading

Something looming

Feelings unprepared

Fire burning

Sweet light nearing

Meaning can’t be found

Turmoil inside

Insanity outside

Peace is still not found

 

Engtovo ~ August 30, 2008

It Is Good

Temptation past

To do for

No longer a question

Each will contribute

Equally from the divine

No burdens

Do we carry

There is only joy

Re-seeding all that is good

Rebuilding

Requires no sacrifice

Hearts joining

Unison of vision

Beauty

There is peace

In the sounds blending

Sweetness and innocence

Offered to all

Trust is complete

Above and below

Individuality

Without separation

The saboteurs gone

Each one is giddy

Thrilled

Hands filled with rainbows

Colored rays

Blending out to infinity

This view has never been seen

It was chosen

Envisioned

Created

And it is good

 

Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

The Choice

Done

Let go

Transmute

Heart is heavy

But easing

Sacrifice done

Freedom reigns now

The worth complex

The outcome decided

There is relief

We choose joy

We choose easy

There is little understanding

Big picture obscured

For others

But not for us

The choice feels right

Nothing left to do

Those who work

Are guided

They are already journeying

The others are too late

It’s ok

They can be too late

They will come again

Transformation

It will be done

Then they will understand

The choice is for joy

A life which they know not

Yet…

Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

Hey You

Hey you

Can you see me

Hear me

You act as if you can

I question

Your view of me so certain

Your reality

Five sense based

There is far more

You will never see

Scratch at a surface

Cannot show truth

Assumptions lie to all

There is a whole greater world

It speaks

You don’t listen

It reveals

Only to a heart willing

Where am I

This body

This year

This time

Can you be sure

If you allowed me

To introduce myself

You’d know

But alas it is too hard

Your filters of self

Crusted hard

Never changed

Can’t allow any more in

Engtovo ~ March 2, 2008

Light Fades, Light Dawns

Light fades

Hue changes from orange

To red

To pink

There is intensity

But it’s uneventful

It does not match my feeling

My thought

These things are in limbo

Suspended by something new

It floats in with gentle waves

They strike me

I see it all

For a fleeting moment

Then it passes once again

Between waves

There is emptiness

It is not sad

But unfinished

Incomplete

I wait

Knowing it will come together

Some future moment

Will offer expansion

Thought and feeling will merge

And understand

Now I wander

Lost in myself

My heart open

It struggles to take in all that this is

It is heavy without burden

It is tight without restriction

I seek to embrace it

But it is still too big

The hues within me will change

Transform to encompass all

Clear will be this new day that comes

It will be eventful

But lack intensity

Light dawns

 

Engtovo ~ October 31, 2007