To My Friends

Friends of honor
Friends of integrity
To this day we rise
I come to you in honesty
Offer you my respect
With my heart I offer gratitude
And honor the souls that you are
Sometimes our road is twisted
Mistakes we will make
We honor them all with apology
We ask and then expect more of ourselves
We deliver more
It is in our support and love
We find our way
I thank you for the truths you’ve told
Those I saw and those I resisted
Those that made me cry
For they were offered with love
From honesty
You came to me with heart open
I hold these hearts with tenderness
I know the grace of who you are
It is more than this day
This month or year
The infinite nature of our connection is within
We are those who know and see these things
We journey alone but cross paths
Some crossings are short
Some long
All are significant and enduring
You remind me of who I am
Who I was created to be in wholeness
I do the same for you
This path has been so very hard
Each day you all remind me of its beauty
And the blessings we share
Often lost in the fog of our lessons
It presents itself back to us
We listen and we pray together and for one another
We sit quiet and exchange energies
Near or far there is no distance between us
In moments we may take one another for granted
This is not one of those moments
I am in awe of all that you have accomplished
While a clueless world looks on
They see nothing
Feel nothing
As they sit unknowing in the circle of our love
In the greatest of these challenges
Somehow we have found one another
From across this earth we love
It is the most wondrous gift
May we fill our hearts with magic
Then bless it upon each other
We have earned these blessings
Through honoring each other
And it is with a vulnerable heart
That I choose to give blessings of love
To each and all of you
And hold you in sacred space
Honored to call you friends

Tatiacha ~ March 12, 2011


Whispers seek outpouring of strength
An omen to portend of this time
They cross in front of me
And begin to run
I watch and feel the urgency
Speed and agility in union
Bending to cross the creek
They serpentine to the right and pick up speed
The other moves steadily unaware
They head right for impact
Hit she lay on the ground in shock
Gathering around with good intention
A small group convenes
Is she dead
They ponder her fate
Prayers move off them to her
Slowly she comes around
Moving behind obstacles
Hidden from view
She moves opposite the herd
Away from the scene and the danger
She emerges
She crosses over in front of me again
As she moves through the dirt and mud
That is this road
She trips and stumbles
Then returns to her feet
Her grace strength and stamina obvious
She picks up speed
Still somewhat apprehensive
Now understanding this close call
She moves out to the forest alone
The depth of her injuries unknown
She has survived another day
My heart pours out with love to this sign
This inspiration of divine timing
We all survive each day
Until it is the day we do not
I will take my hits
With some I may trip and stumble
But I will return to my path
And continue with the grace of an Elk

Tatiacha ~ March 3, 2011

It Is Here That I Am

It is here that I am
Sitting alone in thought
Transitions due
They move in and change me
I see them in force
Look back but weeks
There is another there
She is not I
Painful is the transmutation
Necessary though it may be
This truth must awaken
Embrace this key factor
It is a gift that comes with hard labor
It brings new life
To both the woman
And the innocence returned
The gifts come like rocks
Not like feathers
They cannot sway and swoon in these winds
Gravity drops them hard
They shake me
Cause a human quake
The rocks blast me with intensity
I question my survival momentarily
Then I get up to assess
I am bruised from the battering
These wounds are temporary and self healing
What looks like destruction
Unfolds faults in foundation
The rebuilding is cathartic
Something much greater comes forth
It could never have been seen
Never understood if brought gently
Brought to my senses
It is here that I am

Tatiacha ~ March 3, 2011

Tears of Unseen Emotion

What will be is not within my domain
There are two that set the course of this movement
Reaching out and responding
Healing and seeking meaning
The hurts have not become us
The sense if impending doom is not certain
Vulnerability speaks out tangibility
Things are on the table
It is required
It pulsates out in waves of prayer
Things in silence bring death
My heart cries out languishing of direction
There are no dots to connect
Only space where confusion reigns
Will there be rebirth here in this act of truth
Sadness may instead be labored
The unknown beats down upon me with its weight
Fears submerge me intermittently
That darkness wants to sink me to the bottom
There is understanding beyond
A course must be taken
The winds blow though switching directions
They cannot be ascertained
My heart is at their mercy
I must submit
Something I do with great trepidation
I bow to the power that knows the mystery
Ask of myself trust in this process
Questioning all that I think I know inevitable
The answers are bound to implode
Perceived as good or bad
Beginning or ending embraced with intensity
Followed by tears of unseen emotion

Tatiacha ~ February 11, 2011

Void of All Worlds

Spinning effortlessly into a sea of stars
My mind and spirit fly free of body
I am infinite like all that surrounds me
My perceived self scatters in all direction
I merge into the specs of light
The space between me filled with undeniable peace
All things are born here in the space between
Empty black void of unconscious truth
Still and motionless it appears from any given place
But the currents move out in pure intention
They instantaneously move without perception or understanding
They touch the sparks of light that rim the edge of the void
Exploding its display of color in a multitude of fractal patterns
The patterns build and grow until they circle back
The mind and spirit of the originator receives the acknowledgment
It is intended using the law of no harm
The space between accepts the intention of no other law
The void is alive with and without space and time
From the stars in the galaxy to the place within my cells
There is no past present or future
No tangible or intangible differentiation
Any limitation previous perceived abandoned
I am reborn in this void of all worlds

Tatiacha Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ 12-16-10


Twisted dreams filled with skies falling
There is no relief
Fleeting from one to another
They are angry
Stopped with regret
One moment of peace moves through
It is still and quiet
Then it all begins again
Arms outstretch to grasp
And miss with slight touch
Pendulum swings back
There is no center
Time stopped in awareness
Chaos ensues
It is below
It is around
It cannot reach in
There is no sense of place
It is endless and immediate
Painful in time
Empty of breath
No sense of landing
Only arrival

Tatiacha Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ 11-14-10

Forget Or Remember

What pleases you

To forget or to remember

There is distance

It is unfamiliar

And absence of presence


Perhaps there is animosity

Unspoken untouched

It speaks with silence

But has no power here

Each will do as they will

There is no deviation

There are only blessings chosen

All is well

Some things are understood

Language is energetic

Hold back into the cave

But spring will not wait

There can be no standing still

This is not wrong

Yet it feels not right

Difficulties challenge

We meet these this day

Or we do not

The world continues either way

I will leave it alone

For you to forget or remember


Engtovo ~ September 13, 2007

Dropping the Cloak

What goes on in the mortal world is separate from me
I observe it
I can even choose to participate in helping those who suffer
In ways that do not cause suffering to myself
I however opt out of their mortal experience
I follow my heart to my divine life
I do not need to suffer because the world suffers
I have no obligation to suffer along side them
No responsibility to try and end their suffering for them
It is ok for me to be in joy while others suffer
It is what my creator wants for my life
Divine principal flowing freely through me
In song
In words
In feeling
In deed
Creativity flows freely
I act out in this creativity with joy
I act in service to the earth energies where needed
I care take the animals where needed
as they are at the mercy of the choices of humans
I embrace my true life
I claim it in fullness
I will not step back or sideways
I walk forward
Dropping the cloak behind me
The weight was heavy and painful
But it was the weight of lies
The lies we collectively carry in the mortal
Mixed with the lies of obligation
Those lies now cast aside
I am free to live my life
Those who choose to judge me simply judge themselves
It is themselves they condemn
Themselves that they believe do not deserve the life of the divine
The life awaits all
It is for all
There is no need or purpose to suffering in this world
We can choose to end it all
By each one of us choosing to end our own
Leaving the planet does not end suffering
For many that choice only brings them more suffering
In the next life
Ending suffering is right here right now
I will begin
I will lead without followers
Maybe one day others will awaken to this same truth
And choose to walk the path the their own divine life
I will pray for them
I will send energy out into the world in my prayers and my meditations
That they can call upon if they awaken
I cannot do it for them
Only leave crumbs along the path I have tread
And welcome them lovingly if they arrive

Engtovo ~ September 12, 2005

All Is Well

Thank you

Hummingbirds and butterflies

Pass by my window

In their flight they give me pause

A moment to remember

The gifts that I have been given

The grace that has been my life

There is no lesson that was not a gift

No pain so great that it could remove joy from my world

It is through my choice that I make this so

It is through you that I know it is my choice

Thank you

You have stood beside me in every moment

Judging none of them

Compassion and humor as your teaching tools

Time passes and I do not stop to pause often enough

To remember how blessed I am in your friendship

I do not wish to take you for granted

You are far too precious to me

Your own gifts you give so freely

That they have become woven into the fabric of my life

Woven into the whole of who I have become

Thank You

Blessed is every moment we have walked hand in hand

Musical tunes of every mood sung between us

Thoughts shared in secret

Plots and plans for upliftment plotted

Some just for the fun of it

Insights turned into overviews

If I could give anyone a gift

It would be the gift of having a “you” in their lives

But I know that the gift of you in my life required me to receive you

You made that easy for me

Thank You

There is no way for any to understand the bond between us

The communication and loyalty

The big cat stalking in the energy

The soft purr of contentment when you wrap me in safety

Allowing me to be vulnerable for an hour

For a day

For a week

My perceptions of this place are different than others

You have showed me new ways to see

Thank You

Life in its frustrations and lessons

Does not lose its meaning in your presence

For every negative thought I spout out

You have ten positive things to offer

Who would I be without the love that you envelop me in

You hold out to me my potential

You have always believed in me

In so doing you have showed me I can believe in myself

No words could convey what you mean to me

Though these words are small and so insignificant

I say them anyway

Thank You Bestali

All is well

Engtovo ~ July 26, 2004


Anger entwined with sadness

Betrayal of the intention of the divine

Those who come to offer themselves but will not stand up for themselves

Make the offering void

There is difference between boundary and limitation

Boundaries we set allow us to live free

Allow us to respect ourselves

Limitations are those that are set to control others

Boundaries are born in right action right thought

What is in the best and highest good of all

We cannot grow as humans without boundaries

No more than a child can become an adult alone

Without boundaries we can be only victims

And or victimizers

Things such as murder and rape become ok

In the world without boundaries

Respect comes from acknowledging your own boundaries

And the boundaries of others

A world without respect

Is a world filled with pain

It is the world which we have created here

A world where people take what belongs to another

Covet their connection to the divine

Kill all the inhabitants of an area to steal the land and resources

Enslave people and con them into thinking they are free

I will stand in my boundaries

I will stand thus in my freedom

I will not cower before the ignorance of others

They speak of respect but it is only words

They live the truth of

See no evil

Hear no evil

Speak no evil

They do not accept their responsibility in creating evil

By refusing to set or acknowledge boundaries

There is only a moment that is this life

I will not waste its precious energies

I allow into my space only those who know boundaries

Those who can acknowledge and honor my boundaries

Those who are clear on their own boundaries

So that I can honor theirs

In this mutual respect and honoring of basics truths

Of right and wrong

Harmony can be found

Engtovo ~ September 21, 2003

Kauai Calls

The eagle ready to fledge

Simply fly

You are strong enough

To bridge the mighty ocean

For Kauai calls

The rain gods have spoken

The answer to water prayers offered out

Through the river

To the ocean

Come and heal

Kauai calls

Rest, retreat, love

Feel the eagle sprit of Aloha grow within

Kauai calls

Ease your heart

Relax your body

Sway in the breeze

Like a palm along the shore

Kauai calls

Let go

Let Kauai answer the prayer fully

Let the warmth radiate to every cell

Kauai calls

You didn’t know you wanted Kauai

You put out a true prayer

And Kauai answered

With her call of nourishment

Come into the womb of your earth mother

Place yourself in the arms of her great waters

Safe and beloved

Kauai calls

Heed the call

Put aside the old ideas

Know your prayer is answered

The white sand awaits your tender winter feet

To lay bare on the shore

Say Mahalo to the listening spirits

And pack your bags

Kauai Calls!

When the ancient lands of Mu call you home


Lay out your heart to her sun and water

Allow her breezes to move away

All that no longer serves your true self

Allow Kauai to set a boundary of Aloha around you

That no energy from the mainland can reach

Kauai calls

Because it time

She blesses you with healing and protection

And you shall bless her

By bringing your true heart out into life

Without reservation or fear

When Kauai calls

There are no restrictions

No obstacles

The path is clear

Leave everything behind and fly

Let the earth mother show the way

Let her whisper on the wind

And lift your wings

She will carry you home

Kauai Calls

Come home

Your Aloha is missed

Engtovo ~ April 22, 2003

Cloudless Dawn

Hey Hey Hey Hey

Torment me not

Dreams of scattered activity

Another way births

This way is simple

Confusion has given heed to new focus

New understanding

Heart sings clear

Shines like the sun at a cloudless dawn

Brilliant it greets me

Mind has released

Let go to heart

Another year passes

My thought moves closer to true expression

I see before me my dharma

I welcome it with gratitude

As I welcome the sun at dawn

The rays of my future crest the mountain top

And fall upon me with gentle simplicity

They warm my body and my heart

And call me into the work of this day

With understanding of the energies that follow in days to come

If not the actions of those days themselves

The night has pulled me to this moment of dawning

With it I stand purified before my creator

Each ray of light fills me to overflowing

I am fulfilled in my every desire

There are no clouds on my horizon

The dawn has brought the blue sky in fullness

Hand in hand with the pink of love

And the orange of creation

This cloudless dawn

Fully awakens the last part of my heart

That remained fearful and unable to trust

It has brought me home

To the truth


Engtovo ~ November 18, 2002

Not Damaged

Sent me through trails of hell

Over coals

Burning embers

I am unscathed

I believe I am damaged

But my bare feet remain unburned

Perhaps I feel I should be damaged

That if I am not

Then it lessens the truth of these years of pain and suffering

Like a widow

Thinking she must grieve for a preordained period of time

Have I forced myself to present a image for self as damaged

Why can’t I just be free of it all

In an instant

This instant

What timetable have I chosen for this illusion

My spirit is pure



With power beyond mind’s understanding

How long has it chosen to hide behind lies and deception that it is less

How much hell does it want to experience

And then how long will it take for appropriate recovery

I truly need not recover

For in truth nothing has occurred in hell

My spirit has not been damaged

All that has been changed is its understanding

Of the experiences of others

Does this not in fact make me stronger

Instead of damaged

I ask my spirit to live the truth

Leave all these lies behind today

Make this the instant of completion for this illusion

I am not damaged

Engtovo ~ September 30, 2002


Your opinions play to my doubts

And seek partnership to form limitation and webs of fear

I remove your thoughts

I remove my doubts

I remove these limitations

And trust my inner knowing

I will no longer fear the unknown

I will no longer accept

Any version of truth that did not come from within

I have given power to the beliefs of others

Allowed myself to play the role of victim

I renounce victimization thought forms

I take my power and say to myself and all in this mortal universe

Your thoughts, viewpoints, ideas

Have no power in my universe

They cannot stop me from my creation for self

I renounce all that does not come from my direct connection with God

in its pure form

I hope you all will find the place within

To renounce for yourself

Any view offered you that did not come from God within yourself

The day of renunciation is at hand

My creation is here from within

Where all the divine universe acknowledges and creates with me

from divine principle in wholeness

So be it

Engtovo ~ September 28, 2002

Tears Of Purity

Tears of purity

My eyes are not reddened

Not swollen

The release is of truth revealed

There is not poison any longer

I am purified

All that is left is unfoldment

Of the truth released

Into divine manifestation

I no longer await

Healing or manifestation

For I have become these things

Body, mind, emotion and soul

Blend into one expression

No longer struggling against one another

Acceptance of self in full mortality

Has stepped forth

And tears of purity

Have rolled down the cheeks

Leaving no stain

So soiling

For they are without guilt

Simply expressing the moment

Of their birth

There will be more of these tears

Released in the weeks to come

As I walk headlong into my destiny

Each time they will lighten my load

Bring a sense of peace into my being

Like a snake shedding its skin

Its former life

These tears of purity are shed

Leaving the old life behind forever

My new skin is what I have created it to be

Through God

Unique as a single fingerprint

It belongs to me

For the purpose of service

To the creator

Through which it came to life

The struggle to shed the old skin is temporary

And I am standing on the edge

Of pure freedom and movement

The time is at hand

As it has been foreseen

These tears are the gift of validation

For all that went unspoken

Each one

So clear

So free

So pure

They ease my transformation

Into the flow

Of pure consciousness

They tell me stories of what I leave behind

That will not be missed

And allow me clear vision

Of what is to come

Tears of purity

Blessed me this day

And never will a tear

Sting me again

I am free



My loyalty to God has sustained me

And now all of God is at my side

To create with me

A world where every tear is pure
Engtovo ~ September 27, 2002

December’s Chill

Dreams born into sabotage

Breaking the heart

December’s brisk air moves in

Chilling my blood

Leaving me still and wondering

What will next heal

What will remain for further inspection

Passed down grief

Moves through this house

Issues float past each room

Looking for a magnetic connection

Honesty required to see fully is embraced

Still the air chills me here

Drums beating in the background fill my attention

I feel the rhythm pull me

It moves in geometric patterns around my mind

And through my heart

Through the sabotage the healing sought is offered

Dreams come forth once again

Those in purity manifest before me

Others make their way back to the rhythm

Perhaps to come forth

When December’s chill is finished

Engtovo ~ December 1, 2001

Whispering Realms

Whispering realms

Tell me of ways of peace

I understand now deeply




All things come to these

My perceptions have caused

Me to expect more of myself than is reasonable

Thus I must condemn myself

For not being able to comply

Such a circle of pain has ensued

Now the whispering realms

Have shown me the ways of peace

Shifting my perceptions

Releasing expectation

Discerning what is reasonable

Embracing this moment with joy grace and forgiveness

Peace becomes the perspective

Acceptance the tool

And love the sustaining voice

Of the whispering realm

That is me

Engtovo ~ November 14, 2001

I Am The Eagle

I am the eagle

I sit high in this tree

Holding forth my white flag

I am spotted

At first embraced with a smile

But then you walk away

And into your tattered house

I am observing from my perch

The now desolate grounds

Of a once magnificent property

The waterfront looks out to the mountains beyond

Now the trees are dying

And the underbrush is gone

The logs of the unfinished estate decay

Windows are boarded up in some parts of the house

It saddens me to see the state of this once incredible place

I can simultaneously see it’s potentialI feel the responsibility for its condition

I feel the pain that has brought it to this expression

I’ve come to ask forgiveness

And to understand that you have responsibility here as well

I have been shouldering the burden of decay alone

For this I must forgive myself

I am the eagle

Spirit free to be as I am

I embrace myself now with a smile

My return to the nest is a joyous one

I accept the grace offered me

I let go of the expectations of self

Requiring me to be more than any mortal eagle can be

I free this shadow self to fly

I understand that it is simply part of the experience of all in mortal

I am no better, no worse

Love fills the skies all around me

Waves move through me and my nest

They transfer into me this grace and understanding

They restore what decayed from guilt and self loathing

From my perch up high

In this tree that is bridge of earth and sky

I test my wings

The pain that has kept me from flight

Eases away

Prepared for flight my wings have been renewed and repaired

I take flight and sore free

For I Am the eagle

Engtovo ~ November 14, 2001

Input Output

Peering in on the essence of the present

It is changing

It is pure

It is fixed as well

Every event of this moment is recorded in thought forms

Every vibration remembered in the all of our consciousness

We cannot escape this time, this place

It is us

It molds us through perception

We can choose to adjust the view we have of the world and its experiences

This then changes who we become in relation to it

One image morphs itself into another

Most of us are not aware of this process taking place in this moment

Why do we not pay more attention



We pay attention to what we put into our machines

Our computers

But not ourselves

Our children

As I look at this moment of the present I see that I have choice

I see a world in fear and pain

Molding people

Making them hate

I choose to input love

I choose to output love

I will not be molded by pain

By fear

By ignorance

Peering in on the essence of the present

It is changing in me

And it is good

Engtovo ~ October 24, 2001


Deeds done

Are done

They cannot be taken back

Removed from this world

If they could they should not

For they each have a purpose a lesson

A truth to convey

Remove our glasses of judgment upon them

And we see

That those who commit deeds seen as horrid

Know no better

That does not remove their responsibility

Make those deeds all right

It only allows them

To stand in a place of understanding

Which is where wisdom is born

Where we can see them and reassess

Our lives

Our priorities

Our values

Our choices

Our own deeds

In this way they serve

We evolve as a people

As a planet

We know ourselves at our darkest level

Thus allowing us to see the light of our God self

Engtovo ~ October 24, 2001

This Great New Fire

Kindling for fire is all around

A simple spark will cause the emergence of transmutation

What will come of the ashes

What will rise and proclaim itself phoenix

Scars once injuries healed, fade now

Removing their mark on my body

My emotion

My thought

My spirit

Flesh gives way and allows a new fire that is pure

This fire purifies all that once caused pain

It makes new the intensity of heart

Emotions flood all the senses with faint recollection

Times move and shift and blend together

I become released, relieved

And held in a force of empty creative space

Sustenance is given without asking, for it is, and was always mine

Needs no more present themselves, for they were false thoughts

The new fire spreads like a breeze, quick and gentle

It touches out and eases some, and enrages others

With it’s absolute truthfulness

I awake to a new sun

It flames with this energy found engulfing me

Its tenderness is sweet to those who see

It is nothing to those whose eyes are shut

Flaming, sparkling, not bloodied by ignorance

Freedom walks upon its light

What were once limitations are now humorous antidotes

Consumed and transformed

By this great new fire

Engtovo – October 24, 2001

Rejoining of Forces

Awakening to destiny

Sight known but as yet unseen

Unparalleled vision

Teaming life sustains every breath

Duality faced down

Fearlessness of spirit

Sparkling radiance of truth triumphs

Completion is at hand

and celebration ensues

Rejoining of forces

positive and negative

into one pure force

with intent only to serve the whole

Love in wholeness

embraces me at every level

Peace and serenity fill me from within

Longing subsides

Cries of anguish released

Voice of one heart is reborn anew

Fresh from the wars

this new expression understands

the good and the bad

Compassion no longer gives way to anger

Dreams are fulfilled

Engtovo ~ September 9, 2001

The Young & The Old

Remember me the young girl inside

Who was looking for you the part that i hide

Now you are in expression

and I am hidden deep

I’m looking for the day we ever will meet

We both hold a key

The young & the old

To complete balanced expression of all that we hold

Vitality I have

wisdom is you

The two placed together

will be a great duo

Playfulness and joy

with understanding and compassion

I am fully alive

and living my passion

Fear cannot live

where we join as one

The new ways are mine

the old ways are done

Engtovo ~ August 30, 2001

The Hiding

Why do we hide

Is there really a purpose In our hiding

Do we accomplish that which we have set out to accomplish by our hiding

Are we protected

encased in a cocoon of safety

or just embracing fear

How do we hide

The ways to hide are infinite

We ignore life in all of it’s pain

In all of it’s beauty

We excuse ourselves from living and have endless justifications for our action

The world in it’s hurtful ways pushes us into the recesses of our own minds

Our spirits

And our homes

Many people hide in a bottle of alcohol

Some use another mind-altering substance to allow them to forget that the world’s hurtful ways exist

But while we hide in whatever form we use, the world goes on without us

We leave this world

into our own

The world is left without our energy

Our perspective

Our truth

We must come out of hiding to have our say

To speak our wisdom

What if Jesus hid his life away

What if Buddha hid his life away

What if Krishna hid his life away

Can we justify our hiding by lessening ourselves

Surely we are not as important as Jesus, Buddha or Krishna

Are we

Do we know

Could we ever know what our worth is in the greater plan of God’s design

Perhaps a simple servant inspired Jesus to teach

Perhaps a small child inspired Buddha to greater understanding

Perhaps a friend said to Krishna “You should really share some of these teachings”

Do we know

What do we keep from the world when we hide, will we ever know

And what do we hide from ourselves in the process

The time for hiding is over

Life is to be lived in fullness

The world in its painfulness will never be healed by us hiding

or it is those who are aware and are affected by its painfulness that have access to the solutions

Some of us may have a tiny solution

Some a large solution

As long as we remain we will never know who has the puzzle piece

that will complete a personal or societal puzzle

I am coming out of hiding and offering myself

My medicine

My gifts

To this world

Makes no difference if they have a tiny impact or a huge one

For the greatest loser in the hiding would be me

I think of a message given from spirit

“throw away all the doors my dear that none be shut”

And so I shall throw away all the doors

My safety is in the hands of a higher power with or without the doors

I will stand freely as who I am

The hiding over

Join me in the world my friends

It will be a beautiful day

We can change the painful hurtful world first by refusing to run

Expressing our joy

Our knowing of a different way

Yes it will be a beautiful day

because I will no longer give the world my power to make it anything other

Will you continue to give the world yours

Engtovo ~ August 29, 2001



has been made

alas it has been seen… received…acknowledged

the sign has been hung for such a long time

you stopped looking at it

you questioned whether it was relevant any longer

it is!

It is not forgotten

nor misplaced

it is held most sacredly


do not ignore it any longer

the old will not continue

cannot continue

if you refuse to see the gesture

the new may take you by surprise

you say you do not wished to be surprised


it is none other than what you truly desire

do you think you truly desire something bad?

gesture back

signs work both ways

the good, the bad, the indifferent

don’t hold it inside

set free the notion that anything gestured is unchangeable

it belongs to you

this world

it belongs to every vibrating piece of life

do you not vibrate?

shape your vibration into what you wish it to be

your surroundings will follow suit

make choices that are true to you

that may cause pain to others who want you to be other than who you are

You cannot be responsible for their desire to control you

you do not wish pain upon them

You are only being yourself

in the highest expression you are capable of

in this moment

that’s enough

you are not required to be more

or better

than who you are in THIS moment


has been made

alas it has been seen… received… acknowledged

prayers spoken

prayers heard

wisdom offered

wisdom heard

Your welcome

Guidance ~ July 15, 1999



So sweet and far

Not in distance in this world

but in remembrance of my heart

I hear your heartbeat

As I now hear the earth’s

Getting so distant

it almost hurts

I struggle to remember your gentle rains

Climbing your mountains

Feeling your presence

Within the depths of your waters pure

I feel my spirit could rest then endure


So sweet and far

I wonder if anyone here remembers

Your sacrifice… your love

the battle for your body to remain

So long forgotten for those there

They deny and refuse to love their new mother

Repressed with fear and hopelessness

They remain in bitter misunderstanding

Intoxicants always kept handy


So sweet and far

I vow to remember

Who you are

Engtovo ~ July 16,1999


dream a little

think a little less

deliver self a gift

a divine package, as it were

wrap it up with the finest paper

place upon it ribbons and bows

tie balloons to it & float it right into your hands

receiving it’s beautiful bounty

given in love

admire the time and energy given to make this package so special

so lovely

what have you given to self

rip it open to see

it must be perfect

as you only send the finest to those you love

set aside the balloons, ribbons, bows, and paper

and open the box…WAIT!don’t forget to open the card

Dearest Oneyou are greatly loved

I chose this gift especially for you

to remind you that you are special and valued

no other being can be you in this world

no one could ever take your place

no life is insignificant

be simply yourself

that is always enough


open the box and inside is an eagle feather

symbol of divine spirit

and a note that says…

remember to fly

Engtovo ~ September 17 1998

Speak Out

Deliver me

power of the divine within

speak out in truth of who you are

I give you my voice

to speak near & far

bring forth your love

in uncompromising intensity

unfiltered by mind’s perspective in density

I kid myself not about reaction of acceptance

know that fear

clouds all perceptions

I will stand no longer

in quietness and hesitation

there is no more

to use as justification

A new world dawns

here within my sphere

clouds moved aside

so that truth expressed is clear

I need no permission to be that whom I AM

with all that entails

those who doubt be damned

I have doubted myself

a fate that is far worse

there is nothing left for them

that I have not thought first

The day it has come

this 21st of May

no more will I sit

unwilling to say

I will speak loud

speak true and speak clear

and allow all the others their wallowing and fear

I leave behind my desire

to please anyone

at last I am free

this lesson is done

You may not like

my truth as expressed

that is not my problem

I’ve passed all my tests

no one can know

what experience here resides

why I know what I know

and why they continue to hide

It makes no difference

right here and right now

the energies have shifted

who could question the how

I don’t know

if anyone will ever understand

but spirit’s here beside me

and they hold out a hand

I accept it with grace

with gratitude and love

with prayers all around

below and above

it is the greatest of gifts

that I have receivedn

ow with expression

I can only feel pleased

Engtovo ~ May 31 1998

Doubt / Know

Doubt, know, doubt, know doubt

I know doubt… and I am seeking No Doubt

Experience says…

Experience is limited by a limited world

what does it know… doubt

Experience knows doubt, delusion, fear, disappointment

It has glimmers of magic and synchronicity

divine coincidence of life

It has rationalized most of it as unimportant

or not enough

or just not often enough

to justify giving up doubt

This is how it maintains it’s illusion

As magic presentsit offers

it’s own version of wisdom

“you will be disappointed if you believe in magic”

“you have put yourself on the line before to no avail”

”don’t set yourself up”

Experience you do not understand

it is your very doubt that must be removed for magic to appear

you are the reason for the disappointment

your fear and limitation and unwillingness to chance disappointment

to trust knowing

If disappointment occurs… so what!

What is the point of your “wisdom”

what do you perceive you are saving me from

why would I want to be saved from more experience

do you fear only that your assumptions are flawed

based on limited input?

is it yourself you desire to save and not me

You are nothing more than a mouth piece for the ego

my soul does not fear disappointment or magic

So I say clearly this moment.. shut up with your doubts

I the soul could not even exist based on your limited world

without me there would be no experience

Know this

I am the life and I will not allow you to continue to attempt to kill me

by smothering me with doubt

Engtovo ~ January 25 1998

Transition from the Show

Come what may I must be true

To what is right for me

Transition can be fast or slow

Quick can be chaotic, but clarity reigns true

Slow is what we have been experiencing

Although the preparation is known

and the transition seen coming for a long time

The wrenching apart is more than chaotic

It is the fall of an institution

The crumbling of a false foundation

That was believed in wholeheartedly

by each of us in our own illusion

playing our unique part

There are none without responsibility

No victims

No villains

But as we transition

Who will be left to feel victimized?

And who may carry the guilt of the villain?

Release… let go… be

Do what is right and good for self spirit has said

It must be right and good for all

Or it could not be right and good for self

Even if the all is blind… to the right… and the good

We have continued to honor our parts…

Choose to rewrite this part to a higher vibration

And clearly you are simply a prima donna

So special must you be

That you would dare to rewrite your part

Change the dynamic of the play… the show… the drama

Perhaps your unwarranted changes

Will not bring favor in the world

And the show will close to nasty reviews

The all of your cast will be

Jobless… Cast out… Angry… and bitter

The fault placed where it is seen to belong

And guilt placed upon the shoulders of the faulted one

With expectations of its acceptance

The guilt will not be shouldered any longer

The run of the show was foreseen in advance

The knowledge was shared, so all could prepare

And simply the cast all chose not to

The torment and fear… anger and bitterness… is of their own making

Should one cast member set aside

Joy… Happiness… wisdom… freedom

And perfection of divine spirit

For the torment self created by the rest?

ABSURD! Says the spirit of the divine

There are tickets out of the show

Handed out free by the Father

Didn’t the cast see him offer?

One opened a hand and received the ticket

And transformed the show

Foreseen as playing the role of prima donna

As this one walks out of the theater and closes the door

There is no looking back

This one has been freed

Simply by noticing the ticket that said FREE

The cast will go on with a transition of plays

Without their star player

A new star will have to be tailored

They’ll weep and they’ll whine… they’ll complain

All the while wanting what they refuse to see

And wondering why they cannot have it

With every transition from the show they will reorganize again

And start it all over

Never seeing the free ticket

Resenting any who do

Because the play is their focus

… and the show must go on

Once you’ve transitioned from the show

You may observe now and then

From high in the balcony

Your perspective now changed

What was once your high drama

Has become the finest of comedies

You laugh loud and hearty

And clap and stomp your feet

Acknowledging a fine performance

Perhaps the best that you’ve seen

As you look down upon the theater

You remember the walk up the long isle

Leading you to the door

Remembering the energy being sent your way

By angry cast members that preordained day

From your perch in the balcony

You see much the same cast

Playing the same characters as before you left

The anguish you felt has long since past

Your heart filled with love and forgiveness

For all in your cast

As you stand to leave and offer your applause

Don’t forget to thank them

For in playing their parts

They catapulted you to the door

Although they resented you for walking through it

They also gained knowledge that it could be done

And in offering these thank yous

You send love… and vibrations of divinity…

In the form of a ticket that says FREE

Engtovo ~ November 13, 1997