Peace Is Still Not Found



Pushing pulling

Confusion of familiarity



Sending receiving

Puzzle pieces missing

Heart calls out

No answers looming

Clock keeps ticking

Why can’t it be clear

Control fading

Something looming

Feelings unprepared

Fire burning

Sweet light nearing

Meaning can’t be found

Turmoil inside

Insanity outside

Peace is still not found


Engtovo ~ August 30, 2008

It Is Good

Temptation past

To do for

No longer a question

Each will contribute

Equally from the divine

No burdens

Do we carry

There is only joy

Re-seeding all that is good


Requires no sacrifice

Hearts joining

Unison of vision


There is peace

In the sounds blending

Sweetness and innocence

Offered to all

Trust is complete

Above and below


Without separation

The saboteurs gone

Each one is giddy


Hands filled with rainbows

Colored rays

Blending out to infinity

This view has never been seen

It was chosen



And it is good


Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

New Earth

Waters move

Mountains reach higher

Some blow their tops

The earth shakes and shivers

Animals sleep

Overseen by divine hands

A world is being reborn

It looks difficult


But it is no different

Than the butterfly

Ripping open the chrysalis

There is already a new earth

It is right under the crust

It is formed

In the image of perfection

Ready to burst forth

When the chrysalis

Is finally ripped apart

Earth mother will sit

While her symbolic wings dry

These continents when dry

Will fill with new life

The humans of the new earth

Will be free

Of their past incarnation as caterpillar

They will not crawl and toil and struggle

They will fly free

With joy

Bringing fertility to the new earth

With harmony

All will live as one

There will be no veil

Between earth and spirit

All creatures

Will feel the full love of creation

The suns

Blue and yellow will shine forth

Their full light

Illuminating day and night

The stars will shine

But there will be no full darkness

Laughter and song

Will fill the night

And the day

The rains will nurture the lands

The snows will fill the high mountains

Springs giving life to new rivers

Flowers blooming

Fruits pouring forth

Skies clear and pure

New earth

With the perfect innocence

Of the fluttering of butterfly wings

Being chased by

Joyous children laughing


Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

The Choice


Let go


Heart is heavy

But easing

Sacrifice done

Freedom reigns now

The worth complex

The outcome decided

There is relief

We choose joy

We choose easy

There is little understanding

Big picture obscured

For others

But not for us

The choice feels right

Nothing left to do

Those who work

Are guided

They are already journeying

The others are too late

It’s ok

They can be too late

They will come again


It will be done

Then they will understand

The choice is for joy

A life which they know not


Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ June 14, 2008

True Woman


Presentation skewed

By a brainwashed populace

If woman is soft

She is weak

If woman shows strength

She is hard


A bitch

But woman is soft

Softness is her strength

It is where her knowing was born

When she presents truth

It is met with anger

Because the sheep

They are used to lies

It allows them to sleep gently

Truth dares jar them awake

They blame woman

Say she is harsh and nasty

Woman responds

You sleep little sheep

Truth it simply is

They band together

Attack woman more

Listen to nothing

Man comes along

Says same thing woman has said

Sheep worship him

Think he is strong

When he only stole woman’s words

Think he is kind and warm

While he lies

And takes their power

No wrong can be done by man

In the world corrupted by shame

No right can be done by woman

In the world corrupted by shame

A woman cannot lead

In a world of brainwashed sheep

Woman expects them to think

To participate

Man says only to follow

Soon women attack woman

Following the lead of man

Eventually the only women still on earth

Living the truth of woman

Keep silent

Knowing none can hear

Pray and wait

One day man will show himself

That day

True woman will come forth

Children will be taught

The truth of woman

And the truth of man that was lost

And women will be women

And men will be true men

Balance will be found


Engtovo ~ March 2, 2008

Hey You

Hey you

Can you see me

Hear me

You act as if you can

I question

Your view of me so certain

Your reality

Five sense based

There is far more

You will never see

Scratch at a surface

Cannot show truth

Assumptions lie to all

There is a whole greater world

It speaks

You don’t listen

It reveals

Only to a heart willing

Where am I

This body

This year

This time

Can you be sure

If you allowed me

To introduce myself

You’d know

But alas it is too hard

Your filters of self

Crusted hard

Never changed

Can’t allow any more in

Engtovo ~ March 2, 2008

This Distance

Distance betrays me

Time space illusion

The winds are howling

Bring forth

Spreading seed

Seeping through the window sill

Talking in the night

Through the woods

Squirrels nested safe

The sound awakens within

Reaches the place of new life

I go forth to meet it half way

The song is sweet

The laughter sweeter still

The howling continues

It wraps around

Touching nothing

Inside this cocoon

Distance becomes nothing

Time space becomes what is chosen


Engtovo ~ March 2, 2008

Last Vista

Vista ridge encompass my heart

Encircling my personal sphere

Every direction and offering

A gift

Beauty in pure form

Movement is constant and rhythmic

Changing the nature of each day

Storms roll in and purify

Then give way to glimpses of more

Those lost in the fog may perish

Too foolish to see the last breath

It’s here

We are witness

Expansion fills all my perceptions

It stops for no one

Waits for none

It spirals to its destination

My heart welcomes its vastness

There is no wrong way to look

Just look

Blood circles out and around the world

Not the blood of war

Not the blood of death

But the blood of life





Life force

Red blood of the earth

Physical gives way to that which is greater

And is transformed immortal

Take it all in

This is the last vista of what is

The change complete

Different and equally beautiful

The heart documents these last moments

To be honored



So new life can begin


Engtovo ~ December 23, 2007

Parched Souls

Moon rising high on branches stilled

Snow hangs tenuous

Light catches the crystals glow

And sculptures are born of natures flow

Solstice night brings rebirth of days

Crows cawing overhead beckoning me to see

Beyond day into night

Moon shadows cast across this landscape

Beyond the shadows

Sparkles twinkle

Like reflections of the stars above

We move from one timeline to the next

As beings dance below this sky

Manifestations born in joy

Breathe beauty into parched souls



Engtovo ~ December 23, 2007

11 Days

11 more days

Until what is unknown

The number pops into mind


Leaving me to wonder


Not a week

Not two

Why does instinct taunt me so

Will I just wait

Will I attempt to figure out my clue

Matters not

The outcome will be the same

11 days

A master number

Symbolic of spiritual event

11 days

One and one is two

Simplistic by nature

A grade schooler will understand

A joining

A reflection of duality

Perhaps a balancing of male and female

The clue is lacking

Day count

T minus 11

Engtovo ~ October 31, 2007

This Walk

Hawk flies over

Squirrel scurries quickly down the road

Raven circles to the clouds

The sun shines lightly

Warmth is gentle

Quickly to fade

Leaves have blown away

Puffy clouds drift overhead

Birds scatter all around

The crunch of gravel echoes

Horses calm in the paddock

The world is still here

There is gentle breeze

Coming and going

Magpies and Jays play

There are no cars

No power tools

No noise of any other

One footstep and then another

I walk

I stop

Smell, breathe and look

All life should be so simple

This walk this day

Eases pain away


Engtovo ~ October 31, 2007

Light Fades, Light Dawns

Light fades

Hue changes from orange

To red

To pink

There is intensity

But it’s uneventful

It does not match my feeling

My thought

These things are in limbo

Suspended by something new

It floats in with gentle waves

They strike me

I see it all

For a fleeting moment

Then it passes once again

Between waves

There is emptiness

It is not sad

But unfinished


I wait

Knowing it will come together

Some future moment

Will offer expansion

Thought and feeling will merge

And understand

Now I wander

Lost in myself

My heart open

It struggles to take in all that this is

It is heavy without burden

It is tight without restriction

I seek to embrace it

But it is still too big

The hues within me will change

Transform to encompass all

Clear will be this new day that comes

It will be eventful

But lack intensity

Light dawns


Engtovo ~ October 31, 2007

What Becomes Her

She remembers things

I’ve long forgotten

I thought she wasn’t listening

She was

Where it leads her is unknown

She has floundered

Her pain undeniable

She tries to run

But she ran into the truth

Once I worried

Then I released to higher power

Now I wonder

What becomes her

Perhaps I will never know

In her grows a spark

It may tinder to flame

It may die an ugly death

It is her spark

I give it room

Step back

Watch and wait

There is love there offered

It is abundant and abiding

It resides here

It resides beyond this place

Held out

Waiting to be touched


Swirling around

A whirlwind of answers

Available to breathe in




It is not my journey

Not my denial or acceptance

But I will continue to wonder

What becomes her

With love



Engtovo ~ October 3, 2007

I Will Follow



Look up

It looks

I stop

It stands

I understand

It gazes forth at me

I picture it

I move forward

It runs away

I feel blessed

Return home

Share the news

It’s a message

Meaning is clear

Purpose explained

Heart has heard

I will follow


Engtovo ~ October 3, 2007


Imprint of longing

Lingers upon waking

Gentle energies ease me as I lay

Comfortable and warm

I seek to remain

Bundled from the life of the day

Time so swift

I am swept up in her current

The clock changes

But I am in a place separate

Minutes are hours

Here consciousness wanders

There is no destination

No path

Random shifting of sands

This is the float of my thought

Heart touches out to eternity

Then loops back to me

For a moment I awaken

Then fade

It is sweet and embracing

Alas body breaks the feeling

Makes demands of this world

And I succumb

Engtovo ~ October 3, 2007

Forget Or Remember

What pleases you

To forget or to remember

There is distance

It is unfamiliar

And absence of presence


Perhaps there is animosity

Unspoken untouched

It speaks with silence

But has no power here

Each will do as they will

There is no deviation

There are only blessings chosen

All is well

Some things are understood

Language is energetic

Hold back into the cave

But spring will not wait

There can be no standing still

This is not wrong

Yet it feels not right

Difficulties challenge

We meet these this day

Or we do not

The world continues either way

I will leave it alone

For you to forget or remember


Engtovo ~ September 13, 2007

There Is None Here

Temptations they are not

They wish themselves to be

There is no interest

Barely lay notice of such

Two worlds collide here

One takes only part of the other

What you offer is left behind

It is irrelevant

If only you knew this

We would laugh

It offers no comparison

The other is far too great

Do you see it

No I understand you do not

How unfortunate

It is yours as much as mine

Would you seek it if you believed

I wonder

There was a time of no seeking

None was needed

It was here always


Freely expressed

I remember

At times I grieved its passing

Then I grabbed hold

Refused to let it go

From that point

It was never lost to me

I’ve had to watch as you struggled

You lost it

You did not even look back

Now you seek pity

There is none here

Engtovo ~ September 13, 2007

Creator's Battle

If we play by the numbers
There are many who say
The cycles will reveal
What is brought this day

The nine year of completion
Has brought us to rebirth
Bringing a new opportunity
To build a brand new earth

The prophecies are spoken
The time is upon us now
But everything is different
Will you ever notice how

There are those who argue
Those who cry and then
Some are eyes wide open
Aware what happens when

They are touted as insane
Ignored at the very best
But they will stand laughing
At the ignorance of the rest

Revealed are all the truths
The inner most thought
Of Creator’s manifestation
Of warriors who fought

They were not of world wars
They were not of anything
They followed in their heart
Whatever the Creator brings

The victory came swiftly
Though the battle was long
The pain quite overwhelming
The battle now has gone

Engtovo ~ September 10, 2007


Contemplate alternatives

See a new way

It is ready to birth

Does anyone care

It seems not

It seems that they only see lies

Why is the truth so frightening

It seems comforting to me

Lies are what cause pain

Destruction is birthed in lies

Hurt cannot be run from

It follows like a loyal dog

It nags

It grows

It demands and then controls

Decisions get made in that turmoil

It is unacknowledged

Yet it is the deciding force

It motivates bad choices

It clouds judgment

And causes more hurt

It multiplies and moves out

It hurts one then two

Then four then eight

Exponentially it moves

The first one denies any responsibility

Blames everyone else

And it goes on

Passed like a pandemic

There must be immunity

Somewhere the secret lies

I seek it out

Ask the Creator for a map

For this hurt

It is not the divine plan

There is another way

If only it is chosen

Let go of those who are carriers

Open your eyes to the simplicity

There is gentleness here

It embraces us all

Feel it

Allow it to ease the hurt away

Sequester yourself when contagious

Refuse to pass it on

Take responsibility

Not with guilt or fear

But simply with acknowledgement

Seek out your motives

Contemplate alternatives

Engtovo Bhodsvatan ~ August 23, 2007



Flowers in colors bursting forth

Ocean sands shifting with the hour

Sunset fading into long twilight

Mountains appearing out of the fog

Squirrels scurrying across the landscape

Birds singings sweet and soft

Fruits always ripe and ready

With flowers sweet to scent

Waterfall cascading downward

Water fresh and clear

Owl speaks in the distance

Butterfly flutters by

Gentle breezes blowing


You and I

Engtovo ~ April 18, 2007

Fear How Do I Hate Thee


How do I hate thee

My thoughts become yours

Instead of my own

My emotions deceive me

You attack my intuition

Make me want to crawl into a cave

Same circumstance

It has always worked out somehow

And yet here I am with you again

Experience has proven you wrong

In fact always wrong

What power do you hold

Why are you like a God

The God that betrays

And yet the people follow

You are nothing

You have only what I am willing to give

I give you nothing

This day it is done

I take my mind

My emotion and intuition

You have no permission to be here

I break free

My heart opens to truth

There is no obstacle too great

There is no mortal problem to big

They are all the same

If I can solve any I can solve all


How do I hate thee

You are not worthy of my hate

We are done

Engtovo ~ April 18, 2007

Echoing In The Night

To what do I owe the pleasure

Of an acquaintance from so far

The gifts of unknown prayers

Offered freely and so true

There is a strength that follows

In a line that leads so clear

It offers me solace

In a time that’s confused

The next step is known to me

But alludes me just the same

The process continues

There is no way of knowing

When I will awake

The dream asked me to remember

Not to be complacent

With it came some peace

As well as a need to question

As much as I know

I feel I know nothing just the same

The answers must be in reach

They vibrate in my heart

But will not speak

Actions seem to be missing

Days lead to weeks

To months

To years

There is something more

I want to touch it

Feel it

Live it

There is a sadness in the surroundings

Shut down from life

Hiding in the darkness

I understand it

But it is not my way

Choices made are done and over

New choices are at bay

Sailing with the current

Please set me free

There is a world to see

To prepare

Love to experience

Simple things to discover

Send me a passage

Nothing too obscure

Truth shining bright like lightening

Illuminating the way

I know the path is rarely used

Perhaps hidden in the brush

But I know I can find it

Do not wish me luck

For it is not luck that go me here

Not luck that will carry me forward

But love, truth and prayers

Echoing in the night

Engtovo ~ April 18, 2007

Turtle Heart

She wants to buy me a dress
They are plaid they are woven
She chooses
But no fitting takes place
We move through this place
Some areas complete
Others under construction
She brings you to me
I am in the balcony
You reach up to me
You offer me the token
I give it back
I do not see
I am in my mind
Not listening to my heart
Seeing blocks and boundaries
She takes me in
Places me at your table
You take my hand
And speak your truth
I hear it
It is real
I know it
It feels right
I am overwhelmed
Unable to speak
I want to reach out
But there is confusion
There are people who wish to help
But they are in the way
I don’t understand how I didn’t know
How I could not recognize
The healing of my heart comes from the father
The papers are gathered and
The turtle heart revealed
The gates are brought down
I drink from the fountain
I search for two, no, one
The engine starts without intent
I turn it off with the key
I think I am lost
But I awaken

Engtovo ~ December 29, 2006

Magic of the Merlin

Heart opens to a new pathway
Creator has spoken
The group has responded
They will come from near and far
They carry the staff
Magic of the Merlin
Carefully chosen
Each agreed to take part
The activation is complete
The manifestation is in hand
I have been thrown a life raft of love
To ease my transition to the new life
I wrap myself in it
My pain floats away
Ease is ushered in
The Angels pave the pathway
All life agrees to make way
The dance is active
The dancers each hearing the proper beat
Timing is divine
Names change as people change
Identities shift to meet the new expression
There is no limitation left
What is left behind will survive
It will change
Expand and contract
All without us
It is ok
We have left a mark
The effect cannot be forgotten
Magic calls now
Its effect cannot be ignored
It whispers
It is time

Engtovo ~ December 29, 2006


Simple calculations
To my divine mind
Solving all mysteries
Just out of reach
Leaving me feeling so frustrated
I know its right there
I know I know it
It’s already mine
There is no access point
It is like staring at a computer screen
I have no keyboard
No mouse
No way to access what sits there
Its mocks me by asking for input
It must know I have no input tools
I am a scientist
Of an unknown science
An expert in my field
If only I knew what my field is
Like having a mail order PhD
I cannot use the divine knowledge I hold
It’s the ultimate cosmic joke
At this point even I find it humorous
Whose stupid ass idea was this anyway
To forget what we know to experience stupidity
I know I can remember AND experience physicality
We keep agreeing to do this
Over and over
Every time I reach this point
I can’t believe I did it again
Came here of choice
Knowing I would have to remember
There must be a point to it
God I hope there is a point to it
It seems completely absurd and pointless
And those of us remembering again
We are the enlightened ones
Makes me laugh out loud
What is everyone else doing
Maybe we are in fact screwing up over and over
By remembering and seeking enlightenment
Maybe we are supposed to just stay stupid
And fully experience the stupidity
And we have some glitch in our souls
They open the door ever so slightly
We remember there is more
And then it is like Pandora’s box
We cannot stop
Our programming unravels
And here we are

Engtovo ~ August 5, 2006

Haunt My Dreams Again

There in my dream
Thrown back together again
Neither of us know
I think it is you
You think it is me
We discover it was neither
We have been set up
There is a planned merging of energies
And it is a mystery
I awaken
Then I dream again
You are glad I can stand up to you mother
You do not care if we like one another
Only that I can stand my ground
You come behind me and give me a big hug
I awaken
Is there a point
These dreams with you usually come in threes
Is another to come this week
Will it make sense of the first two
I doubt it
Your place in my dreams
It is as much a mystery
As the dreams themselves
Every year or two
Cycles of three
There you are
Some message you offer
And it always escapes me
But leaves me with the feeling it’s important
They haunt me for weeks
Then they fade
My mind moves on with life
Until you show up to haunt my dreams again

Engtovo ~ August 5, 2006

Night Comes and I Wonder

Night comes and I wonder
What will come with the dawn
Will the blossom open this day
When will I see the manifestation
The sky orange
The air clean
I walk
I think
Dream and wonder
A word that becomes profane
Soon new life enters
Surrounded by confusion and chaos
Every aspect of its existence has been in disharmony
Yet it remains true
Remains pure
It must be protected
The tools for this work are elusive
Any plan is in the higher realm
As yet unknown
It frustrates me
I ask for knowledge
But none comes
There are not even clues
Only waiting
And worry
I have no power over the chaos of this birth
It simply is
It does not belong to me
Yet it affects me deeply
At times this fills me with anger
Why should I be in this space
Affected by creations not mine
Waiting to see if there is an action for me to take
If there is a role God wishes me to play
I feel I should be doing other things
Not waiting here
But I am aware I do not have the whole picture
Only pieces to the puzzle
I try to have faith
Believe that those who have the whole picture
See a purpose to me being here now
I feel limited by every aspect of this life in this moment
I seek freedom
Personal power
Conscious choice
I’m tired
The journey has me weary
This means I am close to something
The water of the dream world so pure
Almost to the conscious level
It is outside my house
Surrounding me
It is water of the ocean
The whole
Perhaps it will carry me away
Take me to a new place
I swim in it near my front steps
Should I open the windows and doors
Allow it to fill my house
My inner voice says yes
The hummingbirds come
First two
Then four
Then six
Then twenty
Then two
Then four
Then six
They portend a new energetic phase
Joyous play
I want it
I open my heart to this
I claim it
And night comes and I wonder

Engtovo ~ August 5, 2006


I can see myself alone
The black box was provided
The preparedness done
The mountains have risen
There are very few people on the planet
Where they are
I do not know
I am alone with some dogs
I have not seen a human in a year
It is just me
And nature
I have plenty of food
I work in the greenhouse
I am alone
I do not dare go far
Because if I am hurt
There is no one to look for me
No one to care for the dogs
I cannot travel with all the dogs
And take enough with me to seek others
I have my physical needs met
Here on the ranch
Will anyone ever wander here
Find me
I imagine horses traveling across the meadow
The dogs are barking
But is it just my imagination
Days go by
Weeks go by
Months go by
Years could go by
And nothing changes
I talk to spirit
Spirit talks to me
Sun rises and I am alone
Sun sets and I am alone
No one seems to be able to reach me
Nor I them
It is purgatory
I project the present onto the future
Now there are people here
On planet earth
But no one seems to be able to reach me
Nor I them

Engtovo ~ June 8, 2006

A Home

Why can’t I have a home
When others have many
And stills others have none
Why can’t we all have a home
How can it be that we be denied the basic thing
That we moved from time when anyone
Could make a hut in a place where no one lived
To a time when we are told we have no right to be
People sleep on the street
Not allowed any dignity
I do not sleep on the street
I am grateful for this
But I still do not have a home
I live where another controls the energies
The arrangement
It is not suitable to my energies
But with no money
In a world controlled by such
I am left to deal with the consequences
Of unaligned energies
I deserve a home
We all do
No addiction of one on the street
Mean he or she is unworthy of shelter
There is nothing anyone can do
That should prevent us from having a home
The world has been so corrupted
How can it come to this dear God
How can it come to this

Engtovo ~ June 8, 2006

The Canvas

The canvas is supposed to be blank
Why is it already written on
The writing is obscured so it cannot be read
It is just there
Blocking the purity of a new creation
What is created upon it
Will always carry its energy
I want to start over
Really start over
I don’t want to start with a canvas that is stained with the past
The colors will not show themselves right
The subtleties with be filled with shadows
Not of my intent
How will my heart express
From a canvas that is not clean
I’m tired
No amount of white paint will cover
It will not give me a fresh start to hide what is there
I want it erased
I want it gone
Is it possible
Just give a new canvas damn it
Why should I even have to ask
Why shouldn’t I have an unlimited supply of new canvases
Where every mistake
Every slipped stoke
Can simply be discarded
To discard them does not mean they are forgotten
Holding on to them is not required to learn from them
It only ruins everything thereafter
I’m tired
I don’t even know how to paint
How I am supposed to paint over the past

Engtovo ~ June 8, 2006