Reclamation of Love

Diving deep
Crisis of faith
I flounder
I weep
I wonder
I question and doubt
Fears come forth
They are recognized
Give in
Give over
They scream
I know they will not serve me
I don’t want to empower them
But I doubt the validity of my view
They throw me down to the ground
The pain is excruciating
I don’t even want to get up
They want me to stay down
For a moment we are in harmony
But then I feel a shift
I can’t do this anymore
Cannot just lay here
Bored
Stagnant
In pain
I have contemplated allowing death
But if death wanted me
It did not come quick enough
I will not just wait for death
The only option is healing
So I activate my dedication
I give myself permission to doubt
To let go
To be in the flux of chaos
Not knowing the outcome
Crisis of faith as a process
Becomes the stepping stones
My evolution continues to unfold before me
Rigidity cannot be sustained
It must be ok to be wrong
To reaffirm truth
Reject that which I cannot hold
Where does confidence become rigidity
Where does doubt become humility
I choose to reclaim love
In this reclamation of love
I let go of definition
I don’t know and it is ok
I leave the door open
Knowledge of the higher can arrive
Or I can remain unknowing in love
Free of rigidity
With loves reclamation
Faith in my purpose is refined
Focused
Gifted to my heart
Like a homecoming of the lost
It fills my heart
I have become the beacon
I no longer need any other to light my pathway
My own love lights the way

Tatiacha ~ January 17, 2014

 

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