For Love To Begin

Stressed trying to remain in love not fear
Heart heavy mind numb
Why did she make this choice
This is not the way she would want to live
The way she would want to die
There must be purpose in this for her
For me
I am a servant of God
I release
Relinquish
Surrender
My attempts to control they have never worked
They have only brought pain
She showed me life unhappy
Isolated
Unwilling to receive love
Touch
Joy
It is not the life I want
It is not who I am
I choose LOVE
I hear her in others near me too
I see their pain
Their desperation
She kept hers hidden
Deep dark
Allow no one
Admit nothing
I admit freely
The loneliness of this life
The longing for intimacy
The desire for a lover
A friend
A companion
Life is not about fear
Or overcoming fear
This is not what was created
We created this world for beauty
Color
Sound
Scent
Movement
Touch
Open hearted embrace
The world blocks these things out
Those who see this
Confront this
Are denied
Ridiculed
Looked down on
And oppressed
She an oppressor from being oppressed
She knew nothing other
Forced her way through life
Refusing to feel
Emotions snuck up on her
She masterfully pushed them away
Pushed me away
Right under her thumb
I allowed this somehow
Not knowing I was more
Could have more
Deserved more
She taught me I was less then
And I agreed
We danced a sick dance
Lasting too long
Filled with misery
We survived
No one thrived
No one lived
This shamanic death is painful
But necessary
Heart’s torment must end
For love to begin

Tatiacha ~ November 19, 2012

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