It Was Done Last Week IMO

ankatara said in a comment to Yelena Yelena Yelena OMGFirst, it is the the JOB and purpose of our various bodies to provide us with information. That is how they Serve Us. If we get too close to a fire, our physical body will convey that information so that we can make the choice to step away, or not.

The purpose of the emotional body is at least as vital to our well being as the above example…it gives us INFORMATION, which is ideally not to be judged by us as either good or bad, but simply is. In part, it lets us know when a violation has occurred so that we can take remedial action, either inner or outer, or both…or at least that was the design. However, due to various sources of fear, including powerlessness, whether real or imagined, people instead go into suppression and denial. Ultimately, that leads to suppression, denial and rejection of their connection to SELF…and then the Servant becomes the Master, rather than the other way around.

One reason that people suppress feeling is that the negative ones usually are accompanied by fear of their own powerlessness, fear of losing control or getting lost in that negativity or negative charge. Feelings are designed to come and go quickly, that is part of the information generating system. IF, someone is stuck in a feeling or it feels overpowering, and finds they cannot get back to their Center, than something is up AND that is information for us in itself, to dig deeper. However, this is often when denial kicks in.

I completely champion Engtovo’s right to feel what was “there” for her, in fact, that is her and our “job”, as I see it. However, I also felt that there was a fair amount of disrespectful expression of it. Go back and read her initial post and imagine that you were the receiver of it. Do you pick up on love and respect, or something else? (yes, i know, the “something else” is always some sort of distortion of love.) Many of the statements in the post are inflammatory and would typically result in DEFENSE from the one receiving them, and that would at least be understandable, in my book. This is the basis for most wars, either personal, or global. (or, in reading it, did you, even if very briefly, feel a slight sense of relief that it was not aimed at you BUT at someone else? and of course, separation is an illussion) Many of the statements were purely subjective as well and the truth of the statement would change based on the perceiver. AGAIN, I am not saying that Engtovo was right or wrong in her perception, because that is very much personal to her, only that her delivery, communication and response was not necessarily in keeping with harmless intent. Imagine yourself receiving that response on a public forum…at the very least it could bring up a sense of humiliation and degradation, (disrespect) and because those are uncomfortable feelings to feel, and also because Engtovo is in the role of the authority figure on this forum, it would be very common to bury and suppress the feelings I just mentioned, along with the many others that could come up. Instead, drawing some boundaries would have avoided Engotovo’s feelings from escalating to the very obvious level of frustration that was going on for her, which leads to this type of personally intended and generated expression, WHILE still being true to herself relative to her own perception and internal signals.

I believe that the quote Mitch provided sums it up nicely. YES, know what’s going on with you and be in receivership of the information and signals that are being provided by our servants, the various bodies, AND maintain your ideal, with respect to intent, at least when possible, as that is the road, to me, of impeccability. However, as one gets supercharged by having avoided previous signals, it is then that knee jerk reactions ensue. Speaking personally, I would usually prefer a knee jerk reaction from myself and others rather than further suppression, because the discomfort of the event passes, but the information, knowledge, awareness, and resulting discernment lives on. I have often received lots of helpful information through them, (k j reactions) both about myself and others. However, some knee jerk reactions can also reach devastating levels of harm to all concerned, as seen in the news headlines, which is beyond the scope of this posting, but does carry within those events similar energy dynamics and principals.

And Asahi, I have to guess that by your your use of the term “casual inquirers” you are alluding to, or at the very least, including me? That is certainly your right, but do you really believe that you have adeqate information to make such a blanket statement and personal conclusion? Not to mention that the qualities of “love dedication and truthfullness”, as you say, are aquired, and I don’t think it makes someone “lesser than” if they are in the process of that aquisition. In fact, I believe that it takes a humble and gracious spirit to acknowledge and make any course corrections that may be required of us in pursuing those qualities. Still, that is, of course, for you to decide for you, but it seemed rather odd, and maybe I am asking for clarity directly from you rather than making my own assumptions or guesses, because I typically do not do well with passive aggressive or cloaked kind of remarks, and as a result, am aware that I could be off the mark. (which in archery terms, is called a “sin”, by the way) I am glad, however, that you spoke! Keep Going! With respect to your pervading sense of hopelessness, my heart goes out to you as I do understand and sense your despair in that. I want to point you to an article on this site, it is in the “channel” section and I believe it may actually be titled something like Hope and Hopelessness. Within it is a Key for getting out of that particular crazy making cycle or merry go round system of mind control. And, if that is what you want… So Be It and So It Is Done, NOW.

With Gratitude for ALL

Funny thing is ankatara, you are the one who is left with the charge from the Yelena post, and I don’t think it has anything to do with Yelena. I think it is simply a reflection of your fear of public humiliation, and your expectations of how I should behave. You are projecting your feelings onto Yelena and then assuming that is how she felt. You didn’t even see all of the interaction with Yelena. The woman was like a spiritual stalker and an energy sucker. If you think I was rude and mean you have no clue of the things I could have brought up but didn’t. Quite frankly not only did Yelena have a reaction which she didn’t choose to express, but your reaction made me feel physically ill momentarily when I opened my email box your charge was so great. But ultimately this comes down to truth and it is often hard to hear, and sometimes painful, however hearing the truth always brings growth, not harm, no matter how hard it is to hear. We may not like it but it’s true. My whole family waited a long time to give Yelena space to grow and see if she could get past the energy sucking aspect as she learned more, over a year! That was an act of compassion that in retrospect was allowed to go too long.

When Bestali first made the runes for me they were very different than the rune cards on the site right now. They were HARSH, and left no room for interpretation. He made them for me specifically although a few other people used them from time to time. He wanted to move me through a large set of issues and he wanted to do it quickly. I would sit down with them ask a question and end up in tears, feeling oh so sorry for myself. The truth they told stung bad. But the next day, or the one after, I would pick those damn things up and do it all over again. I wanted the truth. I wanted to break through my illusions and denials and heal. Bestali and I had to have an immense mutual trust to do this together. I could have used them once and never went back as many others who tried them did. We both knew I would go back and we both knew I would not hold it against Bestali.

Bestali and I share this in common. There have been times in the past where there was an issue with a person and I just wanted to keep it all quiet, because I had the typical issues then of wanting to be liked and accepted. Bestali often had to almost twist my arm to get me to speak up and share my truth. Self expression has been a learned skill for me. I spent most of my life as the person who was always quiet and said nothing. Even when we started the channeling I could not wait to get out of body because the idea of speaking to a group of people terrified me. But the gift that has come from those years of quiet is this; when you are watching an observing you learn a lot. You see patterns of manipulation, you see control, you see ego and so on. It becomes very easy to peg someone’s issues. It is something I don’t even have to think about. The good news is we all have issues. It is time we stopped pretending that we are not ok because of it. There are only so many issues. Lets say for conversations sake there are 25 issues. We each have some combination of some of those 25. Because there are so few issues really, there are lots of people on the planet that even have the same combination that we have. So why is it we run around trying to hide them in shame? A great percentage of the population would go to any lengths to protect their issues as if a big chunk of us can’t see them loud and clear.

One person’s issues may make it hard for another person to relate to that person as their own issues get in the way. Some people have issues that effect whole groups of people. Yelena was one of them. This is not about Yelena being a bad person, and it never has been. Honestly I think if she ever gets serious about her spiritual path she will be thankful that she was shown things she didn’t want to see that day. I am thankful to Bestali and his Runes. I am thankful to my ex-husband for all the issues we surfaced together. We are both the better for it. Having hurt feelings in a moment in time because someone says something we don’t want to hear does not harm us as souls or spirits. If no one ever hurt my feelings in a moment by telling me the truth I can’t even imagine who I would be. Truth no matter how harsh, is ultimately always a gift. It is not as if I go around being harsh to people every day.

Of course this is also complicated within our intimate relationships. There are times when I intentionally hold back on saying something to someone I love, knowing they are not in a frame of mind to hear it in that moment. I’m sure they do the same with me. That is part of the art of being in any kind of personal relationship. In these cases though, it isn’t if I will tell the truth of my perspective to them, it is when. We live in a world with so many lies that we think truth is our enemy and we should be protected from it. That is a huge problem and I won’t be a participant in it. What I think is really fascinating are shows on TV that are just for entertainment purposes, are teaching some of this without even knowing it. If you watch American Idol or So you think you can dance, sometimes the critiques are HARSH. Not just the ones when people with no talent whatsoever are trying to get on the show but within the top 20 or so.

We watch these kids learn to take the truths offered and use them to get BETTER. They do it with grace and gratitude. There are people who try to get on those shows who are in such denial that they actually think they have singing or dancing talent! Is it better for them to wander through life clueless? I say this as someone who has the perspective that you don’t have to be good at something to do it. If you sing crappy in your car but love it, SING ON. If you want to put paintbrush to canvas and it gives you joy, but you suck at it from the perspective of the professionals, just don’t expect to sell your paintings or force your family or friends to hang them in their houses.

So what are all the adults so afraid of? Do they think they are going to have a nervous breakdown if their feelings are hurt? Maybe they think that being an adult excuses them from ever having to hear truth again. Who the hell knows. All I know is it is rare to meet a truly honest person, when I do, it is something I respect. If you read the number one complaints from men about women, its that they lie and play games. The number one complaint from women about men ummm same thing! I find it amazing that the thing we complain about the most, lack of truth, is the thing we are most determined to defend. So I can only leave you with this ankatara, what are you afraid I will see in you and reveal to the rest of the people who read the blog? What are you trying to hold that close to your heart and keep hidden? I get the fear. I had a whole book full of poetry and song lyrics, many of which were all the pain I felt after my daughter’s stillbirth. Before Bestali helped me do this healing work I burned them all one night, because I had the thought that if I died the next day I didn’t want anyone to see them. Not even my family! That is how protected I kept myself and my pain, my issues and my denials. Now I put all my poems on the internet for one reason only, to prevent myself from closing up that tight ever again. It really doesn’t matter if anyone reads them, it’s that they can.

Stop hiding! When you hide your issues, and the things other people may think are ugly you hide your beauty too. I don’t believe anyone went away from this blog thinking Yelena was a horrible person, even if they understood my points. I certainly won’t censor myself in order for anyone who reads this blog to be able to accept me. Been there done that, spend years of my life afraid to express anything. I won’t live in fear, or allow the expectations of someone else determine how I express myself. It doesn’t matter whether the expectation is of me personally or an expectation of how a “spiritual” person should act. I get the feeling you are always playing the role of the peace maker. You don’t have to make things OK for other people. In fact in reality you can’t, it is an illusion. I think you would be amazed how free you would feel if you just let it go.

15 thoughts on “It Was Done Last Week IMO

  1. Why do I have a feeling you people know each other personally in 3D and not just in “forum”. I am beginning to think this site is a little sick in that it seems to be a front for personal angry agendas.

    I think I will pass on any further contact. I can be of no use here and I feel used by the other potential options.

    I feel very let down. But that is life I s’pose. I hope y’all work it out amongst yourselves, I am done here.


  2. !Twila, No we don’t know each other in 3D (assuming you mean offline). Being let down assumes you had expectations, which you had no right to have. You have in fact been quite abrasive and demanding from my perspective. Aloha

    Actually I was just going blow this off with what I wrote above, because I won’t miss you here, but I think it is important to note here that you came here with a specific agenda to discredit the site. I saw it early on and my brother has been biting his tongue. The problem is I have never looked for followers, so I could care less if you manage to scare off some people, or if my own posts scare some people off. The inference that telling the truth is violence is just a humorous and transparent joke. The idea that you are an ultra sensitive is also a joke. This is not a forum at all, for agendas, angry or otherwise. This is MY personal website, I could turn off all comments if I wanted to. The thing is if someone wants to be influenced by a plant like you, they will be, and that’s not my concern. Everyone will discern to the best of their own ability and live the consequences of their own discernments, it’s called KARMA. You have plotted every post to try and get a specific reaction and unfortunately for you it hasn’t worked. I wonder if there will be consequences for you from your handlers.

  3. Wow… Engtovo, I don’t mean to say YES to everything you say… but I think you are the first person I have ever met in my life (except my husband and sons) who sees what I see and feels what I feel…. and I still cannot figure out why so many people react the exact same ways…. You see, I am Japanese and don’t want to get into heavy discussions in a foreign language (i.e. English). But when I took part in Internet discussions in Japan about 5 years ago, I concluded they were futile. So I guess it’s not a language issue. It is amazing that even through the US and Japan are very different in terms of culture and language, the way most people are not inclined to “see” the obvious is basically identical on both sides of the globe…. this is still a mystery to me.

    Anyway, I have a question, Engtovo, if you do not mind. I too get “physically ill” in a situation like this. I hate this feeling and want to overcome it. But so far, the more I tried to be sensitive to the other person’s energy, the more I seem to push their button and in return get this blow in the stomach. I try to think this is my weakness or some unresolved anger within me bouncing back from the other person. But having read your comments, I began to feel differently… so my question is, do you think we have to live with it, or is there a way to build a stronger abdominal muscle, so to speak, without numbing our senses?

  4. Dear Engtovo

    I am fresh from just having read your response to my post and have not yet had a chance to really digest it all, but i will say that your opening words in the post which are “Funny thing…” struck me as exactly right on, and right now i am actually smiling and laughing at myself at how very true your statement is, because, Yes, i am the one that was left with the charge and that is the part that is pretty funny and ironic thing to me. I actually remember that when i was composing that post, I am thinking to myself, “wow, am i ever charged, what is going on with that… and maybe, hopefully, after i speak my views on this, it will subside or dissolve or transform.” So, thankfully, i finally got that piece.

    The other thing that strikes me right off the bat from this exchange is that while i am not “a peacemaker” as such, you were close enough, that i connected the dots. I am seeing that the pattern that I do carry is that i will typically step in on a situation where i believe someone needs defending. And so i think i am finally “getting” that that probably has something to do with my belief in someones inability to stand up for themselves…and of course this would have to be about “me and my stuff”. I have gotten glimpses of this pattern in me, but it hasn’t come all the way home to roost until right now. And what is striking me as odd, and yes, still funny, too, is that i sure have done my share of work concerning “victim/martyr/perpetrator”, and yet, have apparently missed this part…that if someone “needs” defending, that is a victimy belief pattern. Man…seems like our work is never done. And how true are the words “Love Your Work.

    So, I will probably gleen yet more from the exchanges as i have a chance to sit with or incubate them a little, but i will say this…no charge!

    Again, with gratitude

  5. Engtovo: Your problems are the direct result of your adversarial communication style, not my “expectations”. Due to my line of work, I am well qualified to know the difference between unreasonable expectations and just plain old big mouth, red neck,bohunk, bad manners. But I am not going to argue with you about it. (You win). This post is to simply to ask you to please remove my postings from your site. A “rebuttal” to this note is not necessary (but you ARE going to do it, aren’t you? Hahaha I know you cannot resist!) Thank you.

  6. Whats the point Twila? getting the “final” word on the subject? Baiting her for your own ego gratification?

    ” I’m not going to argue with you ” But your very post is just that. In your previous post you said you were not coming back. So please do everyone a favor and leave already.

    Yes folks if you feel the intensity of this your right. unlike my sister I have an attitude sometimes. *S* I have a real problem with Trolls. People who post at other sites that infer they are somehow better or more knowledgeable that others etc.

    Sharing and exploring the world we live in and the world of spirit is a great thing and there are many who have blessed us and others reading this blog with their insight and wisdom. Folks like Twila seem to only be here for their own agenda.

    Move on Troll!!!

  7. !Twila all I have to say is I won’t be removing your posts. I think once you have posted something you’ve posted it and you would have to have a damn good reason for me to remove a post. Live with it.

  8. Distant Hills

    The distant hills call to me.
    Their rolling waves seduce my heart.
    Oh, how I want to graze in their lush valleys.
    Oh, how I want to run their green slopes.
    Alas, I cannot.
    Damn the electric fence!
    Damn the electric fence!

    Tags: Barriers, Fences

  9. So the whole familiy is paranoid? Oh well, hopefully you get a group discount on your mood management medications. Not everyone who disagrees with you is the darkside! How immature.

  10. have a look one thread below Twila. I would argue that there is such a thing as beyond agreeing and disagreeing. I call it truthpooling. It requires a team of individuals with extremely well trained intellects and intuitions (left and right brains respectively)

    Can it be done here?


  11. Asahi
    I am not sure, it used to happen to me much more often than it does now and when it happens now a lot of times I’m not expecting it. So I wonder if it is initially being caught in a vulnerable moment and then having a hard time shaking it off. It really annoys me when it happens because I think “what’s up with this” I am protected so why is this coming in. Sometimes though I think it may be that I get too protected and spirit wants me to tune in to what’s happening with something I may otherwise not give enough attention to.

  12. Engtovo,

    On the next day of my posting the question, I was given a perfect opportunity to experience a major “body blow.” It happened during my Sunday Tai Chi class, in which I had enrolled 3 months ago. I was suddenly yelled at by a guy in the class for reasons no one could comprehend. Anything like this hardly ever happens in Japan (especially in a martial art school, where we train to develop calmness and sense of balance), so it was like watching a Hollywood movie.

    His violent voice and harsh words did not bother me at all, but when I suggested to look for a positive solution for the class, I began receiving that familiar “unpleasant stir” in my stomach.

    I will skip the details, but, as you said, it was hard for me to shake it off for at least one whole day. I had to look at it from many different angles until the discomfort finally dissipated when I found a completely new perspective on this incident.

    I realized that I had been ambivalent about this particular school of Tai Chi pretty much from the beginning. Hidden underneath each seemingly graceful, slow movement, is a vicious attack, like poking the eyes and tearing down the testicles, etc. The art has been practiced by ninja assassins of the underground world for centuries. I had thought I could handle it and possibly transform it to a more harmonious style…. I realize now that it was a hypocrisy on my part and even disrespectful of the tradition. The guy who yelled at me might seem like a clueless sociopath but he was the one who is being faithful to the “viciousness” that this particular school of Tai Chi was designed for. I am a bit saddened to know that I am not suitable for this form. I will need to look for more “peaceful” ones… sounds boring, doesn’t it? ;-)))

    Thanks Engtovo for the “instant” response.

  13. Boy you folks are full of yourself (but my job is to accept things as they are. And this is how they are this a.m. Your comments please?

    “In 1961 at the age of twenty two Evelyn Monahan slipped on a highly polished wax floor…recieved a severe blow to the back of her head…sustained cell and nerve damage…to loose her sight until only tunnel vision…Evelyn began to experience epileptic seisures…”

    “In 1968 Evelyn developed an abscess on her neck…when doctor made incision to drain he accidentally severed cranial nerve that controls arm…lost use of dominant hand…accompanied by a great deal of pain…plus drug side effects…” (She was quite a mess apparently)

    Today (as of 1974) she is (completely well on all fronts)… HOW, you ask?

    “Evelyn and her two friends…formed a ‘psychic battery’ with the plan of establishing an around the clock focus of energy into Evelyn’s body. This healing energy was to be in the form of white light that would enter her body and actually change the molecular structure of her brain…they saw the restoration of the tissues and cells occurring in their minds eye…catalyzed this process with application of pure faith…When one girl went off “healing shift” another took it up until she was relieved…Evelyn took her shift too…Throughout the experiment Evelyn had complete faith that god would restore her to good health. With time (only weeks) she was completely well and stayed that way.

    Source: Mysteries of Space and Time -Brad Steiger. Page 233/4

    Q: Is it possible that this same process was “given” Shelly by her comforters?

    Is it possible that Shelly read this book but forgot?

    Will this same “process” work for “healing the planet” or healing other folks with physical/mental

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