I woke up pondering more about the Anger issue and feeling like there was more to be said on the matter. One reason is someone close to me has had lifelong anger issues. So I was pondering what I had expressed before about owning and expressing anger in a safe way, and or transforming it into something positive, and the differences between that and how this person’s anger expresses. The comment below that was recently posted got me to thinking about the deep resentment aspect of anger that can rip apart a marriage, or other intimate relationship. It also got me to thinking about what he calls righteous anger.
What I have learned about anger is that it is a useful emotion so that you will take a look at yourself and keep your mouth shut about others. It really works for a successful marriage. Righteous anger like the kind Jesus showed is a spiritual quality versus the anger that most of us feel all the time which comes from the ego. The latter is what most people get in trouble about.
I was laying in bed thinking about the resentful ranging anger, we have all felt it. It’s horrible, it’s consuming, and wrenching. Then I thought about how my anger feels when I am all fired up, and pissed off about new agers making my work harder for example. Inside me having felt both, these are two completely different feelings. I laid there the longest time wondering if there were any words to describe the difference between them that I felt. The second one inside me is more like passion, it’s intense but fleeting. It is expressed in words, in song, in a discussion with someone I’m close to, the writing of a poem and it’s gone. It rarely survives even a day.
The first kind and it’s depth seems to be either a situational anger that can pass as the situation changes, or this ongoing raging that becomes toxic in nature. The person that I am close to that has this anger inside likes to express it at other people. This is obviously the toxic aspect that then eats away and destroys aspects of his intimate relationships. We have had many conversations over the years about this element of his personality and how it does not serve him. He has a great deal of spiritual knowledge and yet this one element seems to stop him in his tracks.
So how does one such as he own his anger and express it in a non harmful way or transform it? Oh the making of so many conversations! Over the years I have seen several elements in his anger that really are the core to me. One is control. He has a desire to control the outcome of things that are not controllable. He has an immense level of fear, and he chooses not to trust his higher power. All three of these things are obviously connected and the source of the anger. He hasn’t shown a real desire to delve into those things and work them through. This leaves him with an unending amount of anger expressing through.
I can only think of a friend I met several years ago online who worked with the right use of will material. I have never read the material, but everything I have heard I really related to. This friend was going through a horrible time in his marriage, his wife was unfaithful and in his open mindedness he even agreed to try polymory. He was filled with anger and rage and introduced me to his version of RAGING. he would go out into nature and scream, yell and rage, kick things around, and keep going until he exhausted himself and felt emptied or was left in tears that came until he was emptied. He did this several times a week during this period and it worked for him. He moved through the rage and when he was done, he decided that he wanted something different from a marriage than this wife was willing to offer, and divorced and moved on with his life.
I often wonder if this raging technique could help this other person’s anger. What cautions me in this thought is the knowing that he seems to want to keep his anger, and knowing that he has these deep core issues from which this anger springs, that are not being dealt with. So how do we heal or deal with an issue of wanting to control God’s plan in life? For me I have always had a willingness to move through God’s plan. I know I am one puzzle piece in this huge amazing puzzle. All I have to do is my piece. Some times I want the details of what it is that I am doing and none come, and I do it anyway. Years later I may be shown what that was about and I find it all so fascinating.
Other people may say, well if you can’t tell me what I am doing this for, than I am unwilling to do it. You have the right to do this, but when you do you get left out of the puzzle. So that element comes down to being willing. What makes some of us willing to allow God to move us through life, and other people unwilling to trust God’s plans. I really can’t answer that question. The reason being, that not being willing is foreign to me. I see it in other people, I see the anger it causes them, the pain, I recognize it, but I don’t understand it.
This same element of willingness comes into our trust in spirit. I am not the most trusting person on the earth. However, I have an amazing trust in my guides and our relationship, that many people in my life don’t understand. To me it is quite simple, they have always been there for me, no questions asked 24-7. They have never expected me to be anything other than I am, in the moment. If the moment is not great, they will tell me “all is well” and “a better moment is coming”. I have talked at length with people about this inner relationship, but there is no way to truly convey the things unseen. My guides are my best friends, they are hilariously funny, kind, gentle and filled with love. At times they are not afraid to give me a good talking to, if I am wallowing. I am filled with gratitude that I have this gift in my life of their friendship and we have this amazing mutual respect.
When I come upon the unwilling, I see suspicion and and unwillingness to open the heart even to one’s own guidance. It just makes me want to yell “hey you chose the guide how dare you not trust him/her now!” What causes this level of fear? How do we then find an appropriate outlet for the fear so;
the fear can pass
the heart can open
the trust and willingness can be born
and the anger and resentment that eats the soul can be released
If only I had an answer to that one! The problem is a hundred solutions can be offered but the person dealing with this issue has to be WILLING to use one. So it would appear that complete unwillingness is a terminal condition? I guess if I thought I had a terminal condition caused by myself I would be one unhappy camper too. I believe there has to be a breakthrough somehow. I am not one to believe anything is terminal. It is the quirk of my spirit I am the biggest cynical optimist you’ll ever meet. I have no faith in humanity, but my faith in God is so strong that I don’t need to trust humanity. Ponder that one for a while 🙂
So where’s the breakthrough and does it have to be a big nasty spiritual slap upside the head? I guess in this post I am putting it out there to you all. Have you been there? Did you have a personal breakthrough that moved you into remission of this terminal disease, of unwillingness born anger. If so I would like to hear about it and more to the point I would like this person in my life hear that it can be overcome. There is nothing like the story of someone who has been exactly where you are, and moved beyond it, to help inspire. Maybe you, yeah YOU, reading this is the inspiration he needs.
So maybe my pondering on anger has really become a call for healing. I have been able to offer this person little, as the appearance of ease with which I traverse my path (which is an illusion) is one of the things he resents. So with willingness and trust I am handing this desire to see him have a healing breakthrough over to the whole. He has amazing gifts he could offer the greater puzzle and I would like to see them interwoven in the Creation. It is out of my control and I give it over.