Night Comes and I Wonder

Night comes and I wonder
What will come with the dawn
Will the blossom open this day
When will I see the manifestation
The sky orange
The air clean
I walk
I think
Dream and wonder
Await
A word that becomes profane
Soon new life enters
Surrounded by confusion and chaos
Every aspect of its existence has been in disharmony
Yet it remains true
Remains pure
It must be protected
The tools for this work are elusive
Any plan is in the higher realm
As yet unknown
It frustrates me
I ask for knowledge
But none comes
There are not even clues
Only waiting
And worry
I have no power over the chaos of this birth
It simply is
It does not belong to me
Yet it affects me deeply
At times this fills me with anger
Why should I be in this space
Affected by creations not mine
Waiting to see if there is an action for me to take
If there is a role God wishes me to play
I feel I should be doing other things
Not waiting here
But I am aware I do not have the whole picture
Only pieces to the puzzle
I try to have faith
Believe that those who have the whole picture
See a purpose to me being here now
I feel limited by every aspect of this life in this moment
I seek freedom
Personal power
Conscious choice
I’m tired
The journey has me weary
This means I am close to something
The water of the dream world so pure
Almost to the conscious level
It is outside my house
Surrounding me
It is water of the ocean
The whole
Perhaps it will carry me away
Take me to a new place
I swim in it near my front steps
Should I open the windows and doors
Allow it to fill my house
My inner voice says yes
The hummingbirds come
First two
Then four
Then six
Then twenty
Then two
Then four
Then six
They portend a new energetic phase
Joyous play
I want it
I open my heart to this
I claim it
And night comes and I wonder

Engtovo ~ August 5, 2006

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