The Movement Continues

I believe everything is for a reason
Yet it feels like a waste
11 years for what
Just to understand that it made no difference
Is that what took me 11 years to learn
How do you express compassion
Without giving over to attachment
How do you relate to family
And care while letting go of the outcome
It was all so important to me
I sacrificed so much of my own life
I thought it mattered
But now it appears it didn’t
Nothing was truly changed
Only the form that the dysfunction expresses in
Not the dysfunction itself
My heart aches
And while I am vulnerable
I am attacked by one who wants
All that I possess
As if he could actually get it by attacking
It is sad that in depth
He resents me that much
Is it a curse or a blessing to see truth
Both I imagine
You wish you could just shut it out and ignore it
But you know you cannot live the other way
All this was destined to happened
Because I cared as a mortal cares
Not as a Master cares
Now how do I detach
I am despised by my own family
Because they do not want to change
And I have spent years trying to help them change
How do I stop my heart from hurting
That they do not want to heal
I know that I am different
I have always known that
My desire for truth and healing
Has consumed me
I could never understand
Why they do not share in that passion
But they do not
I must let go
Leave them in dysfunction
And choose to live my life
Expressing joy
In the truth God has given me
Did you want me to spend these years this way God
Or was I using free will
And you simply turned it to serve me
Was there another path for me
One free of all this
Or was this the only way through
There is an empty place inside my heart now
I ask you to fill
Show me the trail to take from here
You have shown me the visions of the other way
That is what I want
My heart is ripped open
That which was trapped inside can be freed
It’s time
I’m so tired of the endless expectation of others
They think they know
What I should do
What I shouldn’t do
How I should act
What I should feel
How I should express
When they won’t even look at themselves
They won’t come out and express these things
They just hold it in their energy and project it at me
Where are you in them God
Where is your focus
Why don’t they have it
Or why can’t they find it
All I know is I have it
It lives in me
Even when my mortal expression fears or doubts
There is something bigger there
Living in me
Directing the energy
Divine intelligence
Divine principle
It is there in them
Is it simply latent
Are they afraid to embrace it
Is there no room for it
Simply they have refused to seek it out
Refused to go within where it awaits
I want around me those who have sought it
Those who embrace it
Those focused to live it
Those whose hearts are unable to stop moving
Like magnets drawn to the Creator
The movement continues
No matter the reaction of the others

Engtovo ~ January 30, 2005

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