Toxic Food Addiction

Toxic holiday food

How can it be a celebration

Giving thanks

By poisoning my body

Keeping myself sick after nearly 20 years of suffering

Is that what I am to be thankful for

Is that the legacy of this family

It is just sickness of the spirit

Sickness of the emotions

There is no prayer at these gatherings

No true gratefulness

No actual celebration

Just gluttony of poison foods

And it then flows right into the supposed celebration of the Christ

Again with the same poison meal

Destroying my Christ temple

This will be the last

Never again will I participate

Celebrations must be that, a celebration

Not a food fest

There should be prayer

Song

Joy and laughter

None of those exist in this ritual

If it means I never spend another holiday with this family of birth

So be it

I must be true to myself

Take care of myself

My body temple

I know what my body needs

And what It does not want

This holiday toxic meal is only a symptom

Of a larger daily ritual

I have no support here for my wellbeing

I choose to support myself

Even if that means cutting out of my life

People who will not support my wholeness

Almost 20 years is almost 20 years too long

For what

For a sick ritual

That somehow is the tie that binds this family

An addiction that will not be addressed by any other than me

They support only my weakness in this addiction

So that in my weakness I do not ask them to look at their own

It is the worst kind of co-dependence

I take myself out of the mix

And call to my life people who can support me making healthy choices for me

There will be no more toxic holiday food

There will be no more toxic daily food

I will not eat out of addiction at all

But only to support my precious life

With love taking in

Only that which does not poison me

They will do what they will in their own space

I am far away now

If they come to visit me

They will eat healthy while they are in my home

Or they will stay in their own

They will not be allowed to attempt to come to me and drag me back into that gutter

That is my chosen boundary

Any who attempt such will not be welcome in my sacred space

Period

This is done now Creator

I know you support me in this

Engtovo ~ November 10, 2004

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