One Day

It vibrates inside and causes pain

It makes muscles spasm and quake

The enormity of it

Makes my stomach churn in discomfort

Dread takes me from foot to head

Convinced I am not ready

And I never will be

Messages given to me in childhood

Leading me to believe

I could become nothing

Do nothing

That would affect this world in any significant way

No one intended for me to believe that

They did not know

Could not tell me

That every person affects this world in a significant way

No matter the role they play

They did not know of the role I came to take

Unable to support this mission I take

I have been left alone

To conquer the terror

No comfort can come from them

They would not know what they are comforting

Why they are comforting

Even if they knew that I need comfort

My expression comes to surface

For as much as I know of myself

There is always more that I do not know

More to bring my body to pieces

Quaking in the face of my own power

I ask for knowledge

For manifestation

But do not feel worthy of keeping my own secrets

Do not trust myself to handle my chosen destiny

The conflict this creates within me

Causes my body to stop functioning

It attempts to shut down

To stop breathing

To stop pumping the blood

But death is weaker than my power and my body continues despite my terror

Another day comes and it looks like the one before

I wonder if they always will

The physical changes I have seen

Never seem to reach me

And yet I know they will

One day will come that will not look the same

I beg for that day

And yet that day brings me to my knees

It represents months and years of days

Where I must stand in my power

That day is the crossroads

The point at which I can hide no longer

The role that changes that day is small

And in itself is nothing to fear

But it is the domino set in motion

The days that follow cannot be stopped

In truth they cannot be stopped this day

But that day is the catalyst to my mind

Something perceptible that can be feared

The fear of that day must be my greatest pain

When the day itself will be greeted with love and joy

Let it pass let it be done

Let me embrace it

Release my body

From of prison of self created pain

Let my breath come with ease

Let my heart be rhythmic and peaceful

Bring this harmony into me and let the days and years play out

Let my power have its way with me

It comes from the place of grace

It is born of love

Poetry ~ October 22, 2004

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