My Celebration

I have known a long time it would be this way

Why have I had such a hard time letting it sink in

Perhaps it is denial that the time is truly here

A last ditch effort to remain

I cannot remain

I most ways I am already gone

Only my body resides here

I know this should be celebrated

But it is only I here who can see that

I celebrate alone

But only from the perspective of those who know not

In truth I celebrate with many

These ones revel in my success

Free from fear or envy

I long for the day that my heart no longer wishes to carry them

Where my true wisdom has replaced those childish notions

It has been one way that I in fact imprison myself

Wanting to do for them

Feeling always tied

My expression never fulfilled because of a wish to make things ok for them

Now I look only forward

The many who celebrate assist me in this focus

I will revel in my freedom

Without guilt

Knowing I have no obligation

And if I did it would be futile

It is the proverbial cliché

You can lead a horse to water but cannot make him drink

I have long since led them to spirit

To knowledge of God

I cannot make them believe

I cannot make them go within

They are blind and I cannot make them see

It cannot be served up on a silver platter

So I let it all go

I take the hand of those who know

And choose joy in expressing with them

I will not look back with regret

I gave them more than they in fact asked for

That was my weakness

When I thought it was my strength

And what I thought was weakness

Leaving it behind

Walking away

Taking care only of me

Is in fact the strength that I have just found true understanding of

I will not take their reactions personally

But simply offer prayers of love and understanding

While I continue in my celebration of life

Engtovo ~ July 21, 2004

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