I Feel Alive

Weariness is with me

But for a short time

I feel it overtake me

Yet I am separate from it

It has my body

It does not have my emotion this time

Emotions are at the surface

But they are allowed

Understood to be expressed

As they surface

There is no force to attempt to contain them

So only the body falters temporarily

There is simultaneously a sense of peace within my heart

An acceptance that this process is coming to completion

It serves the greater good

This lessens the effect

Allows it to pass more quickly

Yet still I am tired of these processes

I wish to have a refuge

A place where my environment gives me nourishment

In these times of transformation

I open my heart to receive this place

A place where I can facilitate this work fully

There are no distractions

No conflicting energies

The schedule and time my own

I can see now it is not much to seek

For a long time I thought it was too much to ask for

But in fact it is so little

The lives of those who care for me will not be changed

In any significant way

My presence will be distant

They will continue their routines as they do now

Very little will change for them with my presence distant

Perhaps at one point that would have upset me

I felt the need to be more important to their daily life

But this has changed inside me

I see they are self reliant

And I am free

To nourish myself

Now only the place is to come

I am ready

As are they

I give myself to this truth

I embrace it joyfully

I allow the excitement of this self love to emerge

How long it has been in coming

All of me wants to participate together

Body, mind, emotion and spirit

The wholeness that is there in truth is being sought by all

Expression comes from all four

To seek one unified life

It is my time

All roads have lead to this place

My heart open

I feel it move inside me

My arms are open wide to the embrace of this new beauty

I breathe in the understanding of it

I feel centered even while the body is still weary

I can feel the end to weariness

I feel alive

Engtovo ~ October 16, 2003

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