What Becomes Me

I’m cold

Sleepy fears creep into my mind

Activated by a body that seems to have gone awry

Like a heart being strangled

The tightness hampers my knowing that only transformation is at hand

How do I give heed to just the transformation

When I feel like giving in would cause literal death

My hands’ opposed to clenching this pencil

The third eye throbbing not with pain

But with an energy that causes my body to react as if it is to lose consciousness

My throat fully open but feeling as if it is contracting

And will cut off the supply of air to my lungs

Heart aches

Not in grief or anger

It is as if my body is having a panic attack without the participation

Of my emotions or thoughts

What takes me to the other side of this hideous feeling

My fingers are cold

My body clammy

My soul and mind both weary

Emotions of fear wander in and are greeted with knowledge

That no death or destruction is imminent

So what is it I accomplish here

What becomes me

How long will it take

Does a caterpillar in the cocoon feel such discomfort as its body transforms

Into a butterfly

Or is it only the resistance of human fear that causes the body to react this way to becoming what God always intended and foresaw for it

Free me from this

Whether it be by means of release or completion

Let this pass

Let there be ease in this body that has suffered for many years

Let it’s teachings for me be blessed

And the participants freed without grudge

But with prayers of thanks for helping Gods plan

Even within my own ignorance

The realms of the divine seek me out

The yoke heavy on my shoulders as I contemplate what stands ahead

Is my throat preparing for the words that must be spoken

My heart for the cry’s that I am unable to answer

My head for the visions of choice made by the masses that I have not the power to change

I pray it all goes quickly

And my Father’s work through me manifest with joy

Engtovo ~ December 28, 2002

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