Reflection

Trembling and terror have left the orbit of my sacred sphere

and have journeyed to the light of transformation

They come home to me in abundant love

as they awaken the forgotten embers in my soul

Once awakened

the embers flare and light a fire

almost distant in it’s memory

The flames reach out within me

touching places left in darkness for so long

The illumination surprises me

with information thought to be known

but found to be illusion

This new clarity is overwhelmed by emotions

ignored through years of turmoil and change

How could this be hidden in it’s absolute obviousness?

Every cell has tortured me with these emotions… yet

I have found myself caught off guard

by the truth of their nature

and the depth of their intensity

The resistance within me has now been defined

and the definition previously thought to be fear

has been denounced in it’s simplicity

and the simplicity of it’s true nature has taken it’s place

The absurdity of it’s simplicity sends my mind reeling into the sea of perception

How often this simplicity was offered unto me by the divine help that surrounds me

and I have looked into it’s eyes

and looked into my own

and found no match

Hidden from my gaze…I find it

So completely does it envelop me

that it’s existence escapes my ability to discern it

It is me… and I am engulfed in the new knowledge of self

How do I allow myself the luxury of such depth to my illusion

while I sabotage the very nature of my divinity

I grasp intellectually the teaching offered

and apply it diligently for years

not knowing what I am applying at all.

I awaken one day to be greeted in the mirror by a reflection unrecognized

that has been me all along

and then I must choose if this reflection is who I still wish to remain

and decipher how it came to be me to begin with

So simple it could have been to have the one reflection… one truth from the start

Or would it?

Perhaps the time it took to see the reflection and choose to transform it

would be the same as the time it would take to integrate it’s meaning

if seen from the start

Perhaps it is even a gift

this illusion

would I have condemned and judged myself for this reflection

and dragged out the process of change

Would I have denied it

and pushed it to a place harder to reach

All that is known

is what is

as it has happened

In this new dawning I find reason to rejoice

in celebration of divine truth

I find myself empowered with the knowing

that I am free from myself

and prepared to transform this old reflection

to a new version without regret or resistance

It is a moment of moving forward

to places yet uncharted

by the ever charting mind

Divinity embraces me from the depths of my being

and offers me the love of the creator within

and the forgiveness for the reflection

as well as the ignorance of it’s existence

In this love

I am blessed in wholeness

and the wholeness radiates out to encompass all who come near me

with love and forgiveness

for their reflections

known and forgotten

Engtovo ~ April 6 1997

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