Trembling and terror have left the orbit of my sacred sphere
and have journeyed to the light of transformation
They come home to me in abundant love
as they awaken the forgotten embers in my soul
Once awakened
the embers flare and light a fire
almost distant in it’s memory
The flames reach out within me
touching places left in darkness for so long
The illumination surprises me
with information thought to be known
but found to be illusion
This new clarity is overwhelmed by emotions
ignored through years of turmoil and change
How could this be hidden in it’s absolute obviousness?
Every cell has tortured me with these emotions… yet
I have found myself caught off guard
by the truth of their nature
and the depth of their intensity
The resistance within me has now been defined
and the definition previously thought to be fear
has been denounced in it’s simplicity
and the simplicity of it’s true nature has taken it’s place
The absurdity of it’s simplicity sends my mind reeling into the sea of perception
How often this simplicity was offered unto me by the divine help that surrounds me
and I have looked into it’s eyes
and looked into my own
and found no match
Hidden from my gaze…I find it
So completely does it envelop me
that it’s existence escapes my ability to discern it
It is me… and I am engulfed in the new knowledge of self
How do I allow myself the luxury of such depth to my illusion
while I sabotage the very nature of my divinity
I grasp intellectually the teaching offered
and apply it diligently for years
not knowing what I am applying at all.
I awaken one day to be greeted in the mirror by a reflection unrecognized
that has been me all along
and then I must choose if this reflection is who I still wish to remain
and decipher how it came to be me to begin with
So simple it could have been to have the one reflection… one truth from the start
Or would it?
Perhaps the time it took to see the reflection and choose to transform it
would be the same as the time it would take to integrate it’s meaning
if seen from the start
Perhaps it is even a gift
this illusion
would I have condemned and judged myself for this reflection
and dragged out the process of change
Would I have denied it
and pushed it to a place harder to reach
All that is known
is what is
as it has happened
In this new dawning I find reason to rejoice
in celebration of divine truth
I find myself empowered with the knowing
that I am free from myself
and prepared to transform this old reflection
to a new version without regret or resistance
It is a moment of moving forward
to places yet uncharted
by the ever charting mind
Divinity embraces me from the depths of my being
and offers me the love of the creator within
and the forgiveness for the reflection
as well as the ignorance of it’s existence
In this love
I am blessed in wholeness
and the wholeness radiates out to encompass all who come near me
with love and forgiveness
for their reflections
known and forgotten
Engtovo ~ April 6 1997
